“Sometimes you need to take tomorrow to think about where life stands right now and making decisions on where your time goes.” - Crystal Oakes

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Being a Mom & Running a Business with Crystal Oakes

Welcome to Imperfection in Progress, a podcast for ambitious women who are people-pleasers, perfectionists, or procrastinators. Want to feel less stress and more joy in your life? Then this is for you. I’m your host Dawn Calvinisti.

I’m so excited for you to hear today’s episode with Crystal Oakes. Crystal comes from a family of entrepreneurs and has a deep-rooted passion for educating small businesses and nonprofits about strategic marketing.

As the founder and lead creative at Oakes Creative House, a boutique marketing agency based in Oklahoma, Crystal gets to tap into her creativity every day to help organizations with a wide range of marketing projects. Her professional experience spans graphic design, photography, branding, event planning, merchandising, and all things digital marketing. She’s even had the privilege of managing brands across 22 countries and three continents!

She’s known for breaking down complex topics into plain English, making it easy for you and your audience to not just understand but to implement actionable steps for growth.

And Crystal recently became a new mom to her sweet baby boy, Grayson, and along with her husband, Steven, they’re navigating the joys of parenthood while managing their huskies, Kiya and Izzy. 

You can learn more about Crystal by visiting her website oakescreativehouse.com

During this episode Crystal shares her own journey of being a business owner and transitioning to being a first time mom too. We discuss the challenges of being a perfectionist and planning. Crystal also shares a lot of great tips on how to plan and also how to be intentional in what you choose to do with your hours.

Here’s our conversation.

Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Dawn Calvinisti: I'm excited to introduce you to Crystal Oaks today. Thank you so much Crystal for being on the podcast.

[00:00:06] Crystal Oakes: Of course. Thank you so much for having me.

[00:00:09] Dawn Calvinisti: So part of the reason that I asked Crystal to be here is because in the month of March, we are talking about work life balance and Crystal is a really new mom to the very first child. And so it is interesting to know that as a business owner and a first time mom, I mean, that's one situation and maybe you listening aren't in that situation, but life happens. We have other things that cause, us to have to go off the rails and do other things because like I said, life happens. So I love that you're here, Crystal, and you're able to talk about, how do we manage a business and life and make the changes and work through all those things.

And as a new mom too, what does that look like? So tell us a little bit about what you actually do as a business and tell us a little bit about it. who you are as a new mom, who's the new baby.

[00:00:59] Crystal Oakes: Yeah, I would love to. So I own Oaks Creative House. We are a full service marketing agency. We do everything under that marketing umbrella. So we do website design, logo creation, marketing strategy, social media management, brand photography. The list goes on and on and on. And I've spent the last 15 years crafting all of those skills and now growing that into an agency with a team of four.

And it is, it's a very exciting, it's a very energetic world. And it's very easy to get swept up in that world. So the balance is, is hard, but as a new mom, Grayson is seven and a half months old. He is the biggest blessing I could have ever asked for. He has brought more joy to our lives than, than I could have ever expected, even wanting to be a mom for years and years and being on that journey.

So, it, it's been a really fun, fun whirlwind the last seven months.

[00:01:55] Dawn Calvinisti: So tell us a little bit about the whole idea behind, before you have a child, because I know for me, I'm very type A, and I know you say you are too. So very type A, planning on what's going to happen after with my business, once I have my first child, and then the reality sets in and I realize This isn't going how I was thinking it was going to happen after because I thought a little baby wouldn't really require that much because they're small and they don't really move around too much and they just need food and that type of thing.

What has been your experience from before to now?

[00:02:28] Crystal Oakes: Yeah, I definitely had a lot more free time. I I kind of realized maybe I was a little bit lazy before like I now it's so I can get laundry done so fast because during his nap. I'm like, yeah, just get the laundry done and put it away. And before it would take me forever and seem like such a chore. So it's It's been an interesting shift just to kind of see where my time is spent and while, in this very moment, I would love to have a little bit more alone time and free time, but it's, it's like, you don't miss parts of it because you want to be spending time doing those things, even folding his little sheets and, and putting away his tiny socks.

Like it's a chore, but it also feels right. And business wise, it's just been interesting to see that. No matter what, he's always on my mind all day long, and I'm always thinking about what can I do for him even while I'm working on my business, and that's been a hard shift for me because I have always been the, type a very driven business owner for my whole life to the point where my husband will come take my computer from me when I'm working too hard. And I think it's been interesting to know, okay, yes, I'm taking Friday afternoon where we're going to take pictures with him or we have to go to a pediatrician appointment or just different things like that that come up that don't even really make me think twice about taking time off for my business.

Whereas I would have really stressed about that before. It's like the value shift. Is there now? And it's not as hard to take time away when you know it's for a really good reason.

[00:04:01] Dawn Calvinisti: That's an interesting point. So I'm curious to dig into that a little bit more. When, let's say before, right, when there was no Grayson, what was it like if you had to book an appointment or you knew that something suddenly came up and you had to leave and go do something that was not on the schedule, was not in the planning?

Where did that put you?

[00:04:19] Crystal Oakes: I dealt with a lot of guilt. I dealt with a lot, a lot of guilt because I felt that my business was my baby. It was the thing that I was pouring my heart into. It was the thing that I couldn't get off my mind. It was what I was building. And that takes. So much energy. You have to generate so much energy to build a business and to grow it.

And I felt so guilty when I had to step away and I would do everything that I could to make sure that didn't happen during working hours. So it didn't affect my team and would apologize profusely if it ever did. And. Yeah, it was, it was a lot of guilt. And now it's, it's almost like my answer is, well, Grayson comes first, so everything else will have to be pushed aside in order for me to take care of him, no matter what that looks like.

So I don't deal with as much guilt anymore, because I feel like there's a reason for me to step away that isn't selfish.

[00:05:12] Dawn Calvinisti: Oh, it's interesting that like Grayson now means that it's not selfish, but if it was for you for your own needs, that was selfish.

[00:05:19] Crystal Oakes: Yeah, absolutely. That's what I felt like for sure.

[00:05:22] Dawn Calvinisti: Super interesting. I experienced before I had a child, I was not very nurturing and I was actually concerned. Whether I would be a good mom, whether I would have the compassion and, and the love for my child that I hoped I would have.

And it, it was the biggest concern on my mind was that what if I didn't like this little person that came into our lives because I was very driven and I loved my job and I loved, I have always been an entrepreneur. And so I was worried what that would do. And then she came along and it was awesome and wonderful.

And it was all the things that, I hoped it would be, but the, the change in my job and my ability to focus at work was different because again, there was this other being that could it. at a drop of a hat, I might need to go or I might need to go do something or pick something up or, or help her or whatever.

And so it really did change and I changed as well. When, when you were in this situation, in the beginning, and you had the new new born baby, did you struggle at all with the like, But how quickly should I be getting back to work? What should this look like? How much time should I be allocating a day for work?

What happened for you?

[00:06:32] Crystal Oakes: Yeah, it was really interesting. So I'm very type A and I had a long journey to get to Grayson. And I struggled with chronic migraines since I was nine. 

That was my first diagnosis at nine. And about six years ago, my neurologist looked at me and he said, you cannot care for a newborn in this state that you're in. It's, it's not possible. I was trying to weigh out the decision to go on medication or not. And I said, well, I don't want to go on medication because we want to try to have a baby. And he's like, no, not possible. 

So, what happened after that was I made huge life shifts, and my number one goal was to have a baby. And while we weren't actively trying for that, there were lifestyle changes, going on medication, dealing with the side effects of that, making all these shifts. And at the same time in my business, I was making shifts behind the scenes. I was hiring employees. I was asking questions to other women about what their maternity leave was like. I determined with my mastermind group that I'm in of women business owners that I deserved a full maternity leave like I would get if I worked for a corporation. And they helped me decide how long that would 12 week maternity leave.

And once I had that decision made and knew that it was so important to me to Fully step away because I would never get that time with Grace. And back when he was that little it was, it was like checking off tasks, it was like another business task at the end of the day because now I was saying, okay, well I have to train this employee in this type of work so that they can take it over while I'm gone or have to make a decision if maybe this service goes on pause while I'm out.

And we did pause some services while I was out and we really spent. a long time, years, putting the puzzle pieces in place to make sure that I could have that intentional time. So then coming back to work, it was like, what, what part do I play in my business now? Because they've all been running my business while I was gone.

So it's been interesting to kind of see like, where do I fit back into my own business after taking that time away, but I'm so, so glad that I did.

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[00:08:41] Dawn Calvinisti: That is amazing planning. I think that's interesting. Like, even if you wanted to, like I was thinking in other, in other situations, like if you wanted to go traveling for six months, or you wanted to be able to step away because you're planning your daughter's wedding, or there's just something in life where you need a little bit extra time.

That is an awesome idea to actually be able to Look ahead and what does your business need and forecast it so that you're putting those puzzle pieces together, not like the week before, but like years before when you know it's coming.

[00:09:14] Crystal Oakes: Absolutely. And I think that's an important thing for all business owners to look at. I attended a conference several years ago that said, what's your bus factor? If you get hit by a bus, then what happens to your business? And well, I kind of hate that analogy. It is very interesting to think about and, and it got me thinking about, what happens if I have to step away for maybe a family member needs care or there's a death in the family or like a cancer diagnosis or like, you never know what's going to happen in your life.

And it's, and. It's an interesting exercise to go through for your business to say what happens in my business if

[00:09:48] Dawn Calvinisti: Right. And I think this is one of those places where in business when we think that we need to do it all. And I know a lot of you that listen are perfectionists and that's something you have a really tight grip on your business and you find it hard to allow others to do the job because they're not going to do it like you.

But the reality is if you never let go of it, you're never going to grow either. So not just for emergency sake, but for the sake of your business. Being able to grow. These are things that you need to be able to plan and work out and work through. I'm curious how or maybe what you first looked at, like, what were some of the first things you thought of that?

Okay, I can let these go more easily.

[00:10:27] Crystal Oakes: yeah, the first employee that I hired was a virtual assistant. I let go of a lot of admin tasks. I was still doing a lot of quoting. I was doing a lot of email communication. We didn't have systems set up. I had previously in my corporate jobs worked for a few places that also didn't have systems set up.

And as an employee of that, it was very stressful.

I'm a creative and not having those systems to follow really just can squash your creativity very quickly. So the first employee that we brought on was a virtual assistant to help set up those systems so that when we brought on our next employee There was a process for them to follow of some sort.

It wasn't perfect, but the next one we brought on was another graphic designer because that was a lot of the work that I was doing. So the thought was, I need to take things off of my plate so I can think bigger so I can be play a different role in my own business.

And then the latest employee that we've brought on is a copywriter and she was brought on honestly for expansion.

It was a service that we were outsourcing. To freelancers. And so we brought her on to expand our internal offering of services and it. Yeah, I'm glad that I did it that way because I feel like without the system set up it's really hard to train and delegate and delegation is hard anyways, because like you said, we're perfectionist.

So we hold on to these things and it's really hard to let go of them. But one thing that I've really had to tell myself is that I'm not serving those people. Well, If I can't delegate to them and if I can't train them, so I listened to a podcast several years ago that said something about like you being a stepping stone in the career journey for your employees and that really resonated with me and I now kind of look at myself as their career coach or as their trainer at this stage in their career.

And I know that they probably won't be with me forever, which will make me really sad when it happens. But I know that my job is to train them and is to breathe life and energy into them. And I feel like that's when you create a team culture where everyone really wants to jump in and help each other.

And you can then plan for those big life moments, like having a baby or stepping away from your business because there's a trust factor there that you've built up.

[00:12:44] Dawn Calvinisti: I love that so much to think of yourself as being just that step, right? That, that person that's going to take them to the next stage of their journey.

And I think you're right. It does create that, that joy of being at work, the joy of working together and being that team. So what an amazing thing for you to have experienced and to be able to implement during this time.

Are there things that What now that you have this new baby in the home that you are trying to figure out as far as balance goes and again, work life balance is something I always say, I don't really believe in balance. It's more or you spend more time in one area at certain stages and then you move on to the next and so on.

But for you, what does that look like right now when it comes to taking time for home and time at work?

[00:13:28] Crystal Oakes: Yeah. It's, it's an interesting process for me because I've always been pretty addicted to my work and I had a lot of guilt anytime that I stepped, would take a step away from my work for anything personal related, but, I've done a lot of work with my therapist and in self help setting values for my life and family is it's, The top value in my life.

That is the one that is the most important to me. And I think knowing that and having done that work allows me to look at the tasks that come across my desk or the appointments that come across my calendar and make decisions that I feel really good about in my heart too, not just logical decisions.

And so anytime I need to step away from work now, I feel a lot less guilt about it. And not to say that it's easy. Because it's still not easy to take that time away because I get back to my desk and there's all this frenzy and stress to try to feel like I'm catching myself up. I have a friend who told me once, anytime you take a step away from your business, you're not really taking those hours off.

You're just trading those hours for other hours because the work still needs to be done. And that's such an interesting thought. And I try really hard not to pick up my computer after Grayson goes to bed or not to work every weekend. I really set a lot of boundaries to make sure that I'm working while the nanny's here.

I'm working during working hours while my team's available and I'm spending the other time so intentionally with him. So it's kind of a form of compartmentalization in a way to really just shift your mindset to say right now I'm at and later I'll be at home. Although. It's not perfect because I'm still breastfeeding him.

So I still have to take time to pump or to feed him during the day. There's still pediatrician appointments to go to. There's still things that happen. We also all work from home. So we have a nanny and me and my husband both work from home. So I hear him right now in the other room playing. And it, it is hard.

And I do take breaks to, to go in there and say, what's he doing today? And what do you have for lunch today? And, and, and. I also agree that that balance isn't real. But I do try to tackle it with intention.

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[00:15:36] Dawn Calvinisti: Intention's a really good word. I think for you right now, has intention changed when it comes to like your daily life? Do you feel like it's different than before you had a child?

[00:15:48] Crystal Oakes: Oh, it's definitely different. I had a ton of more free time and I was honestly a little bit lazy about it. Like we watched Netflix for hours every night and I eventually would just work and work and work all day long until my brain couldn't process anything else. Crash. That was my life. And while I don't think I was on the stage of burnout at that point working for myself like I was at my corporate job because I had more control over when that crash happened or when I took time away, but it's Yeah, the time has has definitely changed.

I can get laundry done so fast a nap time. I can get so many things done during nap time. Sometimes it's only 30 minutes, but I can get a whole lot done during that time. So I feel like I've become a lot more. Intentional about what I put where in my schedule and what tasks I need to get done first because there is that ripple effect.

One of the things that me and my team are really heavy on is looking at our idle week. To know when are you most analytical? When are you the most creative? When do you like to tackle certain tasks? And we've built that into our systems and processes. So I know if I get to the middle of my day and I need to read a piece of copy to go on a website, it's just, I'm literally going to read it and not comprehend any of it, like it doesn't exist anymore.

And it it's. interesting to take that time to reflect on what you do best when, and I've really put that into practice. And I'm still putting that into practice because there are things that come up with motherhood that I know, he needs to now eat at certain times of day. We, we introduce new foods every day at five o'clock cause we're trying to do a hundred new foods before his first birthday, and so I have to make sure and plan those things ahead so that maybe I'm cooking something the night before. I take a break during the day to get it ready for his five o'clock dinner, because that's usually when I stop working. So it's just the time has shifted. It's different than it was before. And yes, there's less time for myself, but I don't necessarily miss it as much as I thought I would.

[00:17:55] Dawn Calvinisti: Are there things during this time where You feel like, like you can't set goals or things can't be on certain schedules because you now have a child in your home, or does that not really matter?

[00:18:06] Crystal Oakes: Yeah, there are certain things. And I think a lot of it is when I came back to work, my brain flipped back on and I was like, go, go, go, go, go. I have all these ideas and all these things that I want to implement because before my life was get to baby, get to baby, get to maternity leave. And then when I came back, it's like, now I get to dream again.

I get to think about. What I want my business to be. I guess I think about what I want my life to be right now. And I want to, I'm an implementer, so I want to implement things so quickly. And I haven't been able to do things as quickly as I used to, and it takes a lot more intentional time. So I've had to.

Set time just to think and to plan and then come back to it later. Whereas before I was such a fast mover that I would put things into motion very, very quickly. So now like one thing that we've done for next year is we've mapped out all the workshops. All the brand photo shoots, all the topics that we want to talk about next year, our own marketing, we've mapped all of that out for next year so that I can work ahead and give myself more grace for when things come up, like we had COVID last week, so I had to take days off because of that, it was unexpected, which I would have had to anyways, but, you can kind of power through when it's just you, but when you have a crying, screaming baby, in your hands and he's sick, you can't just go ahead and sit at your computer and try to get something done.

So it's, it's definitely all shifted in different ways, and not necessarily in bad ways, but it's different. Life's different. Definitely

[00:19:42] Dawn Calvinisti: When I talk to guests on the podcast, I always ask them which of the three P's that they most relate to. And so I'm curious with you being type A, is it the people pleasing? Is it the perfectionism? Or is it procrastination?

[00:19:56] Crystal Oakes: perfectionism. That is an easy, easy answer for me. I have struggled with people pleasing in the past too, but definitely perfectionism is where I struggle.

[00:20:04] Dawn Calvinisti: So when it comes to perfectionism, as a mom, has it shown up?

[00:20:09] Crystal Oakes: It definitely has shown up in interesting ways. Not necessarily in trying to control Grayson and what he's doing. But I'm also, I, I'm interesting because I'm perfectionist mixed with diagnosed OCD. So, and I say that because a lot of people say, oh, like, haha, I have OCD. But it is real, and it's not all cleaning all the time.

It is it appears in other areas. And for me, it's, I have obsessive thoughts over planning. And I'm in therapy to work on that, but, and we're getting there. But, like, I have a spreadsheet through. through Grayson's first birthday of what food he's going to have every day. That's, that's the type of perfectionist planner OCD that I am.

And so I've put a lot of that energy, that perfectionism energy into creating this lifestyle for Grayson that I want for him. And it's, It's interesting where it shows up. I like his clothes to be hung up a certain way. I like, his space to be clean. We also have two big dogs that shed. We have huskies.

So I like for his space to be clean. I don't necessarily care about my space, like, whatever needs to happen happens, but I am a perfectionist when it comes to him. But I will say I have, I have dialed that back to not Because I don't want to be the mom that says he has to go to bed at this certain time and I'm going to be upset if he doesn't, do this thing or reach this milestone.

So I've done a lot of like reflective work too to make sure that that perfectionism doesn't affect him in a negative way as much as I can help it. And that it's more of a benefit to him.

[00:21:45] Dawn Calvinisti: I know that as you continue your mom journey, you're going to find so many areas where you, you'll realize like, I just can't, right? I just can't. And that, that is what happens, like where we have to take hands off and we can't make it just right. But I think it's important to recognize too, for perfectionists, um, the bottom line is there's such wonderful strengths.

in having that because there's a wanting to do it well and wanting to be prepared and make sure that others are well taken care of. And I think that's a beautiful thing about perfectionism and people sometimes only think of like, Oh, this is just a bad thing. I shouldn't be a perfectionist because that's a problem.

But there's always a good side to all of these things as well.

[00:22:26] Crystal Oakes: Definitely. And in an instant, all of that can be swept out from under you so quickly. And, and that's when I think as perfectionists, we kind of get a slap in the face a little bit to say like, oh, wait a minute, we don't control everything. And that's hard to do. We, we lost a twin early in our pregnancy.

So, I took a full week off work. I just couldn't, I couldn't focus on anything else. And so you pivot, you pivot those plans, you pivot that perfectionism. When Grayson was born, he had temperature problems. He was almost in the NICU, but we skated by not getting in the NICU. And he was under warming lights, and we stayed an extra day in the hospital to make sure his temperature was right.

And when he was five days old, literally during tornado season, I had to go to the emergency room. room because I thought I had a blood clot in my right leg and had all the symptoms for it. And luckily it was just nerve damage. I say, luckily it was just nerve damage that I'm still dealing with, but better than a blood clot.

Right. And it was, it was really hard. That was those were difficult, difficult moments. And as a perfectionism. person, it is really hard to be in those moments because, it was like, I was determined I'm going to breastfeed him. And we're sitting at the hospital in the emergency room. My parents have him in another wing of the hospital that has less people in it.

And I'm like pumping milk in the bathroom for like my fifth day of having a baby, and sending it to them to try to feed to him without a bottle. Cause I didn't want to give him a bottle in case. He wouldn't latch later, and it's just all these things that we want to control, then all of a sudden, like, smack, they're just out of your control.

And that's the part I'm still working on. That's the part I'm still working on trying to cope with or deal with.

[00:24:03] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, and I think that's, that's the thing, right? It's hard for everybody, but when you have that more perfectionistic tendency, it is hard to not be in control and to relinquish it, knowing that, like, you don't have an option. So I think it's, that's such a good story to hear and that we're not alone. If we're struggling in that, we're all working on something and some stage.

And sometimes we're working on all of them, but I would love to know if people want to get to know you better to know what you do and what you offer in your business, where's a good place for people to find you.

[00:24:34] Crystal Oakes: Yeah, definitely our website. It's oakscreativehouse. com and that's O A K E S. And there are tons of resources on that website for business owners. Lots of freebies, lots of videos, lots of, we have a Facebook group. The website will tell you all about it, but I love to give, give, give and to serve my audience.

So if you own a business and you're looking for amazing marketing resources, I'd love for you to check ours out.

[00:24:59] Dawn Calvinisti: Thank you so much for that. I will put the links to that in the show notes. So make sure you go there. And I know I've taken a look around on her website. She has a lot of things to offer. So Crystal, that is awesome. I know that if you run a business, you need to go and check out Crystal's website. And is there anything else that you would like to share with our audience before we wrap up today?

[00:25:20] Crystal Oakes: I think it's just a good reminder that these transition phases in our life and, and the, the phase that I'm in right now of new motherhood, or maybe it's a different phase. My mother retired a couple of years ago and she was in that transition phase, and as business owners, it, it can be really difficult, but I think it's important to remember that you can spend a little bit of time preparing.

for those phases or if even if they come up to you as a surprise to look at them very intentionally and to make decisions intentionally instead of just reactionary where we just fly by the seat of our pants sometimes and we figure things out as we go. And sometimes that's necessary, but not everything has to be done tomorrow.

And sometimes you need to take tomorrow to think about where life stands right now and making decisions on where your time goes.

[00:26:12] Dawn Calvinisti: I love this conversation. Thank you so much, Crystal, for being here and for being so willing to share what's going on in your life and your business right now. Thank you.

[00:26:19] Crystal Oakes: Of course. Thank you so much for having me.

[DAWN CALVINISTI]

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CONNECT WITH CRYSTAL:

Website: https://oakescreativehouse.com

Instagram:  https://instagram.com/oakescreativehouse

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/oakescreativehouse

Facebook Group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/fortheloveofbusiness

Resources for business owners: https://oakescreativehouse.com/resources/

OTHER RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST:

Umbrella Virtual Solutions: https://www.umbrellavs.com

Book Your Free 30 Minute Strategy Call with the host, Dawn Calvinisti: https://link.theviphub.ca/widget/bookings/dawncalvinisti/strategy