Most Recent Episodes
On catching the thoughts that lead to anxiety.“I'm really working towards proactively getting in front of that but that takes a lot of practice. That I think is the trickiest bit.” - Leslie Kuny
[DAWN CALVINISTI]
Welcome to Imperfection in Progress, a podcast for ambitious women who are people-pleasers, perfectionists, or procrastinators. Want to feel less stress and more joy in your life? Then this is for you. I’m your host Dawn Calvinisti.
On today’s episode we are joined by Leslie Kuny.
Leslie is an award-winning choreographer and dance educator whose mission is to bring joy and passion to competitive dancers and their community. She is a graduate of Grant MacEwan University’s Dance Program and Simon Fraser University’s Bachelor of Fine Arts, a member of the Professional Adjudicators Alliance, a Level 2 certified Adjudicator by Canadian Dance Leadership, and co-founder and director of Ignite Dance Center. Over the past 20 years, Leslie has devoted herself to training dancers in a supportive empowering environment and choreographing for competitive and recreational dance studios, schools, and pre-professional training programs. She knows that dance is a training ground for humans, that humour and joy are key to achieving greatness and success, and that empowering and equipping people with knowledge yields the best results.
Leslie shares her journey of anxiety and what it has been like as she’s learned to manage it through body work and other self-care strategies. I love how she recognizes the need to remove the stigma around mental health and her willingness to be so open in her own understanding and growth as she heals.
Here’s our conversation.
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Dawn Calvinisti: I'm so happy to have Leslie Kuny with us today. It's always a real pleasure for me to be able to interview somebody who's sharing their story and is willing to open up about things that lots of us deal with, but many times we don't know who to talk to about it, or maybe we don't have somebody who's been very open to tell us what they're experiencing.
So thank you so much Leslie for being here today.
[00:00:23] Leslie Kuny: Thank you for having me, Dawn. I'm really excited to be here.
[00:00:26] Dawn Calvinisti: So this month we are focusing on the whole idea of anxiety. I've shared a bit of my journey. We're having an expert on and we have people who have been through it, are in it, all of that. And Leslie, you're one of the people who has dealt with things, deals with anxiety. I would love to hear a little bit about maybe when you first recognized it, or maybe it's looking back when you first recognize it now, but can you tell us a little bit?
[00:00:55] Leslie Kuny: Yeah, absolutely. I think you hit the nail on the head to be perfectly honest because I think it's something that I've dealt with since childhood, but sometimes only through looking back is where we really go. Hold on a minute, right? Because as we get older and we learn more everything really came to a head for me in 2018 and the winter of 2018 when I had a pretty severe panic and anxiety attack that really, really scared me.
And, and, and ended me up in the ER, but when I look back, I'm like, Oh, this is from childhood. There's lots of things that I go back to and I go, Oh, there's little, you have these little glimmers. I one thing that really, really stands out to me, I'll never forget. I was probably about eight years old and I was at the doctor just talking about all my wonderful, wonderful doctor.
And I was just, with all the, all these ideas and all these kinds of worries. And doctor was like, You have to worry less. And I was like, who says that to an eight year old now as an adult, I go, Holy smokes, like red flags, guys, like big, big, big, it was 1992. It was a different time. But so recognizing them, like, Oh, this is something that's walked with me through my whole life.
Gives me a little bit of grace to go. It's not going to get solved in a day. It's not going to get solved in a month. Let's find the tools. To help navigate this piece of me, essentially.
[00:02:16] Dawn Calvinisti: Right. I, I think that's, that's very common that we, once we realize what it is, then looking back, we realize, oh, that was the time when that showed up, that was the time, that was the
[00:02:25] Leslie Kuny: Yeah.
[00:02:26] Dawn Calvinisti: Now that you're looking back and can see them, is were there things where you just felt like, like, I'm different than other kids around me, or like, other kids don't seem to deal with this, why am I?
Did that ever show up?
[00:02:38] Leslie Kuny: It did. Funny enough, I always assumed it was because I was sort of Um, an artistic, art tistic, I really want to make sure I like enunciate there because I do not have a diagnosis. But very artsy, I liked, I was very involved in like performance and dance. I was always a little bit outside the box. And I also seemed to care way more than other kids and things had to be just and like, if things went out of whack, like, which I'm like, well, okay. Again. Things we look back on and we go, that's not part of my personality, that's like something else showing up in me, but I, I, I have always felt, I'm like, I'm always just a little bit outside. I always felt a little bit different than everybody else.
And I just thought I was like, I just care a lot, which I do. I really do. That is a genuine part of my personality, but maybe there's some times that I'm like, this is too extreme. A little bit.
[00:03:34] Dawn Calvinisti: I love that you say that. I know one of the things that was always kind of like, I just couldn't wrap my head around it, dealing with anxiety. This was before I knew I had anxiety, was my husband would say, just don't care so much. And I'd be like, yeah, tell me how to do that.
[00:03:48] Leslie Kuny: Yeah, no such thing. I'm like, bless your heart. I'm like, I do not know how to not care. And, and I, I think, I don't know if any other, people who I know you're going to talk about the three P's, which I, like, absolutely adore but this will, like, resonate. Is this just like, We can swing a little bit too far and we're like, okay, okay.
Like I'm, I'm too caught up in all of this. Okay. I'm just not going to care about anything. And then we swing all the way and it builds a lot of like guilt and resentment and like yucky feelings. So it's really important to find, I think for myself, like a balance. I'm like, okay, like don't go so far. One side don't go so far to the other side, finding that like sweet spot in the middle where you can use the super powers from both both sides is like, is where I want to exist essentially.
[00:04:33] Dawn Calvinisti: So when you said that, like, you ended up in the hospital and you had a panic attack, was that the first that you got that, like, I have anxiety?
[00:04:41] Leslie Kuny: Yes, yes, I was shocked because I thought, oh, oh, oh, this is going to get so gross and I'm really going to try to keep it together. I thought it was fine. And, and so this was a really big. Knock over the head of like, Hey, yo, slow down, figure out what's happening. And it really scared me. And then also too, through my perception of who I was into question, like if I can't handle this amount of pressure, if I can't handle this amount of busyness that I had been experiencing on top of, life and whatnot, because I took a lot of pride in that being able to.
To do all the things under pressure. And so that really, like anything, I think there's lots of different examples of this where people have larger health issues than just like, a panic attack or anxiety attack that you mistake for for a heart attack. And that often happens with women because we have different symptoms of heart attack.
And so you kind of like start spiraling. Yeah, so it just really made me slow down. And go, okay, so it's obviously too much, even though I didn't think so, my body was like, yeah, we can't handle it anymore. Like, you've been trying it for, 30 some years, we've maxed out. You've got to find some actual methods to help the body, like, which I am grateful for.
It was not a fun experience at all, but I'm grateful for it because it did make me go, okay, I really have to pay attention to this.
ADVERTISEMENT
If you’ve been enjoying Imperfection in Progress Podcast we want to offer you a way to learn even more and at the same time help support us in bringing you great content.
This month we are offering a deeper dive on anxiety with two private podcasts just for you. In one podcast you will hear me coaching a woman with anxiety to help her get unstuck in the area of people-pleasing and giving her tools and tips to move her forward. And on the other you will hear from our expert psychotherapist who is also a mom with a son who has anxiety. She will be sharing her journey helping to support her son. You can get access to both of these private podcast episodes for only $7 at www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
It is so important to me that you have resources at your fingertips to help you move forward and I hope you take advantage of this great 2 for 1 deep dive. Again the link to these private episodes is www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
[00:06:14] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, it's interesting. I think as women too, we're so well, and we're encouraged to power through and do things. And like, if, if you're strong, if you're going to be successful, then you do, do, do, do, do. And you don't bother looking deeper. Right. We just keep going.
[00:06:31] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. And, and it is, I mean, it made me feel, it still makes me feel great to be like the person in charge, to be the person with all the answers. Like, again, that is part of my personality, but I really have to be careful that it doesn't get so crazy that I'm like, It's all, it'll happen again, because like, I've had a few moments, another one had happened just this previous, or I guess now we're in 2024.
Lies. Last year in June, I ended up going to the hospital again. Again, because of a, and I, and I tried to talk myself down off of it being like, I know what this is now, and I'm feeling this in my body, and I would feel better if I went to the hospital. Recognizing that it's still something I walk with, but I have a lot.
Better management tools, and it doesn't happen as frequently and it's not as intense. Yeah.
[00:07:30] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah. I like, I mean, this is part of the reason why I love that you're here is that it's not like no big deal. And you have got through it, and it's all overcome. I think for many people to recognize that there can be relief, and it can be minimized, and you can still continue with life. That anxiety does not have to put you into a box or a cupboard, and you no longer can function.
Those are some of the things that I, I hope we bring out today, and I hope we show people that, that this does not mean that life is over, because you experience anxiety.
[00:08:02] Leslie Kuny: 100 percent I think it is and I I look forward to the day where it's I can say maybe I don't have it but I there's also a part of me where I'm like, it's okay if that day never comes because I've got these strategies and It's take I've dealt with it for a very long time. So the healing process also takes a lot of time there's it's not going to be a much to my chagrin, it's not going to be a quick fix, but, but that's okay because I get to learn more and that's like exciting and then because I work with kids, I get to learn what I've, I get to use what I've experienced and learned to help them navigate their feelings and help them walk a little bit just through my, my shared experience.
[00:08:45] Dawn Calvinisti: I love that you're passing that on. So a question for you in all of this is, so while this is going on, what is your life? Like, what do you do? And, and, what, what are you managing? Because I'm assuming that you aren't just, balled up in your closet, deciding you're not coming out every day.
What are you navigating while you're here? going through this.
[00:09:06] Leslie Kuny: Everyday life, I think. Yeah, I was just living my regular life. I, and I kept living my regular life because there was shame and stigma attached to it. Actually the, the first, the first event where I did go to the hospital, I was right in the middle of craft market season. I went, I think I went to the hospital at like 11 PM that night.
I'd been at a craft fair all day. Stress just totally destroyed. I went to the hospital, got home at like 1am, woke up the next morning and went to the craft market. Like, I was like, let's go. We gotta go. We got the things to do. That's dangerous. Don't do that. Don't do that. I would, I would recommend against that.
But I did I felt like this is something I have to deal with in addition to, I can't let people down. I don't want people to necessarily see this part of me because who I am, that doesn't resonate with who I am to the outside world. So um, uh, I recognized I had to do some, some work. So I started there. I don't, I don't even know if I started therapy first, to be honest.
I think what I did was I was like, I need to relax. So I started booking massages. And I went for a massage almost every 10 days starting in the new year, like starting in 2019 after Christmas, when I got back to my regular life. And that was wildly life changing. The amount of emotions pent up. Feelings and all the things in my body needed to be expressed. I got out of my body. I was shocked at the amount of times I cried on the table. And then I got to a point where I was so exhausted, I would fall asleep. On the table, I was like, I just went through this gamut of experiences, having these massages, and I was really grateful to have an incredible RMT to help me through that because I was like, oh, this is this is how it needs to be processed.
So I started that I started. Therapy some other body work where I could, fascial stretch therapy, and because I really recognized, and also to just due to my job as a dance teacher, like my body is like, it's been going for a long time without a lot of care. So I think there was a, a dual there. So yeah, I just sort of built that into.
Into my life and didn't really, people didn't really know. I felt very, I didn't want people to know. My husband knew my, my, my mom and my sister knew some very close friends. And even then I threw it away as like a joke. Like, ha ha ha. Because I didn't want that piece of information to affect how they saw me.
[00:11:54] Dawn Calvinisti: I mean, I think as much as there's been more work around mental health and more exposure and more talking and all of that, I think the stigma even now is still there. And it's still something that we struggle with. How do I say this? What will people think?
[00:12:10] Leslie Kuny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much which is funny because. I know I, this is where when I, when I bump up against that, I go, what if my friend came to me telling me the things that I would like to tell a friend? I'm like, I would be so kind and understanding, but if it's me telling other people, I cannot see that other side of the coin.
But I think that's important for us to flip that and be like, no, hold on a minute. We can share that because if that information came to me. I would be helpful about it. Yeah.
[00:12:38] Dawn Calvinisti: So can I ask you, because we're all different, but I thought maybe just ask you personally, what are some of the signs and symptoms for you when you're in anxiety or in panic?
[00:12:50] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. Don't dwell on these. It's a little bit tricky because I do, I find for myself it is a real head game. People often say like, where do you feel anxious in your body? I'm like, my brain, like my brain just starts running a race that I did not sign up for. And it is like, I don't know what greens that it's on.
Like, it is like off to the races. Which is a great, yeah. job for it to have, but not when it comes to like thinking like about catastrophes and like future. So yeah, I, I do find that my brain really starts to get very swirly. It really starts to like get into hyper drive. And then once that, I feel like that's maybe the first piece of the puzzle. then my body goes. Oh, my body kind of kicks in second. I think I do for myself find a tightness in my chest, which is always like a terrifying feeling. Those are my two biggest ones. In terms of like, how I feel like emotionally, I noticed I get like grumpy. I, I want to say no, but I don't, I feel really resentful to people.
I think maybe that's where it starts, honestly, emotionally. And then my brain starts like telling all the stories and then my body keys in there. And they're like, we don't like this. Yeah, so that's really what I've noticed. And now that I've sort of like managed it, I really noticed, actually, honestly, just a few weeks ago, my brain really got the better of me before I went to sleep.
And I was like, Oh, I really hadn't experienced this in a hot minute. And I was like, Oh, okay. Like key into that, like be aware. That's that, like, ruminating thinking really on high speed is,
[00:14:25] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, I love that you mentioned that because I think for a lot of us, I mean, whether you deal with anxiety or not, a lot of times we are so unaware of our thoughts and then emotions come and we react to whatever and then after we're feeling like either bad or guilty or shameful or, just angry that it happened and we didn't actually catch their initial initial thought that it.
led to that whole process.
[00:14:49] Leslie Kuny: yeah, yeah, that's a process in itself. I, that's probably, I think, where I'm at, where I go. If I can catch it, it's, it's good, but sometimes I go back, and I'll say to that person, like, I didn't want to. React like that like that interaction. I'm really working towards Proactively getting getting in front of that because it's just but that takes a lot of practice like that I think is the trickiest the trickiest bit.
[00:15:13] Dawn Calvinisti: For sure, for sure. Because again, it's just, we're on automatic. We really aren't taught to, hey, pay attention to what's going on in there.
[00:15:20] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. Yeah
[00:15:22] Dawn Calvinisti: So another question for you is what kind of things have you found are useful tools for you? Like, have you tried therapy? Are there like actual techniques or tools or tricks that you use in order to To calm yourself and calm your mind, what is it that's working to help you?
[00:15:38] Leslie Kuny: Yeah what I spoke a little bit massage. I feel like body work is often Like maybe not thought about traditionally in in Maybe I shouldn't say that. I may be misspeaking but I found for myself methods of body work, whether it was massage or fascial stretch therapy that was incredibly helpful at I have done therapy.
Sometimes it feels like homework. And. And often I would like schedule a therapy session. I'm like, I don't have anything to talk about today because today was a good day. So I found a bit of a mixed bag with therapy. I'm also the kind of kid who's like, tell me what to do and I'm going to do it so I can fix it.
And that's not what therapy is about. So that was like a struggle for myself and my personality. Now that I'm a little bit further away from it I've actually started, like me from three years ago. Hey, it's what me today is about to say, but I have started consistently working out. I work out twice a week and that has really, really shifted.
And I know when I was first in like the really like, um, when it was deeper and it was tougher, my therapist did recommend, it's an app and it's called the seven minute workout. And she's like, when you start feeling anxious, she's like, that is a buildup of adrenaline and cortisol in your body. You've got to get it out.
Do this seven minutes. And she's like, I know when it feels like your chest is going to explode and you're like, Oh my gosh, I think my heart is racing. She's like, the last thing I know you want to do is work out. She's like, Try it and see if it works. And I was like, oh, yeah, that does help and not recognizing that if I'm not active enough on a daily basis Then it's a little bit easier to fall into that.
And if you do it consecutive days in a row, where you're not moving and you're not burning off those adrenaline, then it can, it builds. And then all of a sudden, on Thursday night, you're like, I can't sleep. You're like, yeah. Working out has really helped me. Um, really, really helped. I'm like in a much, much better place.
And I'll shout out my trainer, Tara, which is also like helping me realize things I could never do. So it's, it's really two in one. It's, it's moving me out of my patterns. And then I come home and I'm like, I lifted like 105 pounds today. Like I squatted 105 pounds. And my family's like, okay, calm down.
I'm like, but do you know, I didn't know I could do that. And so it's. It's not only like breaking out of old patterns, but creating new patterns for myself of like, holy smokes, I can't believe I was able to do that. I never would have assumed. And so I think in general that helps like, that has been the, that is the next piece of like, not just the healing, but like rewiring my brain and rewiring, the thought process of, of, especially when I come up against challenges or things that are hard.
Not slipping back and being like, no, no, no. I can do hard things. Remember when I squatted that? Yeah, yeah. You got it. So that's been incredibly helpful.
ADVERTISEMENT
Hey, wonderful listeners! If you're an entrepreneur or a business owner like me, then you know the struggle of juggling a million tasks while trying to focus on what really matters. Well, guess what? I've got a game-changer for you, and it's called Umbrella Virtual Solutions!
You know those tasks that make you want to pull your hair out? The ones you'd rather avoid like the plague? Yep, Umbrella Virtual Solutions has got you covered. Need a killer website that'll make your competitors jealous? Boom, they’re the web wizards you need.
And let's talk about virtual events. Everyone loves attending them, but the behind-the-scenes madness? Not so much. Luckily, these experts are your event architects. They'll plan, set up, and run the whole shebang, so you can shine in the spotlight without the tech headache.
Now, here's the best part: If you're a fellow podcaster, like yours truly, you know that editing can be a real audio nightmare. But fear not, because Umbrella Virtual Solutions are audio editing maestros. They'll transform your raw recordings into podcasting gold while you sip your coffee and relax.
And hey, who wants to drown in emails and social media management? Not me! That's where Umbrella Virtual Solutions really shine. They love diving into the admin abyss, leaving you with a clean slate to focus on your passion projects.
But hold on, there's more. These folks aren't just about ticking off tasks. They're your partners in business creation. Got a brilliant business but no clue where to start? They will guide you through the process, turning your dreams into a reality.
Do you know what they’ve done for me? They’ve given me back my time and peace of mind? Head over to umbrellavs.com and book a free strategy call. Say goodbye to overwhelm and hello to a whole lot of extra hours in your day.
That's umbrellavs.com – where dreams become reality and tasks become history. Check 'em out and get ready to conquer the world, one stress-free day at a time!
[00:18:26] Dawn Calvinisti: That is such a good example. I love to, I think often when we're when we're locked in that process of like almost trying to resist the anxiety or fight the anxiety and often that will create a, a deeper spiral. We kind of like, we fear the fear idea. But when we start learning, like, Hey, like I can get through hard things.
Like you're saying, look at the other things I've done in my life. And. Re speaking to our brain about what is possible and who we actually could be, like things that we never thought we could be. That is a big part of stopping the process of backing off. I know you and I talked about this, not on the podcast, but we talked about the fact that you can end up putting yourself in a box and making the box smaller and smaller and smaller if that's the way you choose to approach anxiety and being afraid to go anywhere or do anything that might Trigger anxiety, and that really gives you a very limited life.
And so we don't want that for any of you who are listening.
[00:19:28] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. And, and it can be hard because like we've already spoken to the, the shame and a little bit of grief and embarrassment, and you do just want to, and there's also like the whole idea of like, oh, staying cozy in my, in my home and where I feel comfortable and, And. I totally get that. I'm, I think I'm grateful that I tend to be more of an extrovert and I really enjoy people. So if I had an opportunity to, like, go be with people, that, that really helped, and I, but I recognize that that's not the case for everybody, but maybe just, yeah, if you feel like you're isolating yourself, just text a friend, send somebody a meme, find some sort of, like, outlet to connect, because I do think other people are a real key.
[00:20:10] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, I agree. And it's funny. I'm definitely more introverted, but I know that in what you do on a daily basis and, in teaching dance and being around people doing things for others, and it's the same for me doing things for others and getting out of my own head. It's actually one of the best ways for me to calm anxiety, because I'm not thinking about me.
[00:20:34] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. Yeah. And it just shifts your brain to a task instead of a distraction of like maybe playing on your phone, which like at some points in the process, maybe that is the best thing where you're like, I'm going down a rabbit hole. Let me throw on a game or let me watch something. But yeah, if you can shift it to be a more service based and then again, you're still, still sort of a distraction tactic, but a little bit more beneficial.
[00:20:57] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah when, when it comes to where you are now in life, like, what are some of the things that you absolutely, are still doing on, maybe daily basis or relatively regularly, where If anxiety happens in the moment, like, are there things that you need to do to cope in that moment? Like, do you find that at work or do you find it, like, just, I'm just trying to think of different occasions because sometimes I think that's the thing that's hardest for people that are new dealing with it, is what do I do if it happens right now?
[00:21:27] Leslie Kuny: yeah. Mine often comes at the end of the day when I'm trying to fall asleep. Which you're like, great, all I have to do is tell myself to relax a million times, which I'm sure will work at like one o'clock in the morning. Thankfully, I think. It doesn't happen too acutely anymore jumping jacks, like, again, burning off energy, which sounds wild, like, and you can't necessarily get up in the middle, if you're in a meeting or something, you can't do that but there's also a muscle release technique which you can do like when you're sitting and I find it incredibly helpful Where you like tighten your muscles as hard as you can and hold your breath And then and you squeeze those muscles as hard as you can So like maybe you're doing your quads or like your hamstrings or biceps and you hold your breath and that tightness in your muscles as long as you can and then when you can't you Exhale through your mouth and release those muscles It is wildly effective.
I really love it. I use it when it before I fall asleep and it's something that can be done anywhere and it's not super visible So it's something that you know that you can cue into and it's not going to telecast to everybody like hey if you have an opportunity to Go somewhere where there's cold.
Water or ice on your face is also really good. It's There's a, again, I learned all this from my therapist. This is not me. This is like, secondhand knowledge. But there's something about, I can't quite recall, but it's a dive, it's a reflex in the human body when, when you dive into cold water that your system recognizes like sort of essentially like a threat.
And so it, it calms you down. So I had a protocol where I would put ice on my face, like, on sort of on the cheekbones and the forehead to replicate diving into cold water. To force your body to slow down and calm down and, and sort of regulate which again, like not maybe if you're like in the middle of a meeting or like teaching a fitness class, but if you're able to step away and even put cold water on your face in a restroom, that is super helpful.
Um, music, music is huge for me. It gets me out of my. Way a lot if I'm feeling really down. I play a lot of like really Pump up girl tracks like doja cat like and like bad girl Energy because I feel like I need a little bit of that for myself music is really helpful and Something that I still use with, with quite a bit consistency is is the Headspace app.
I found that yeah, I've been on it for, like, years now, and I really like it. I listen to the sleepcast. If I wake up in the middle of the night, my thoughts are racing. I'll plug in my earphones and listen to it. And, They really helped me with meditation in general, which I had wanted to do for a really long time.
So yeah, my Headspace app is my like go to. I even use it in my classes like with my students and they all know. They're like, Oh, we're gonna listen to so and and I'm like, yeah, we are gonna listen to so and like I gotta, you gotta have a little bit of this in your life, and I also need it at the end of class.
Yeah, so those are kind of like, I would say those are the things that like muscle and the, and the ice. And yeah, headspace if you're in the car, walking, whenever. Yeah.
[00:24:33] Dawn Calvinisti: I love, I love having tools and, and techniques and tricks that we can try, right? And again, everybody's different, so you might try one of them and be like, ah, that doesn't work, but that doesn't mean a different one won't. So play with it.
[00:24:45] Leslie Kuny: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I found that with the, cause a lot of people are like, Oh, five things you can, the, the, the counting, like five things you can see, smell. And I was like, I am so heavy into this, like panic moment. That is not strong enough tea right now. It's like, I need a little extra, but, but I do know that that's really helpful for other people.
So yeah, like you say, there's. Different things that or like thinking about my breathing that just made me panic more. I was like, I can't so yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's a little bit of trial and error, which can be frustrating, but well worth it.
[00:25:16] Dawn Calvinisti: Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it is interesting. I love that you mentioned music too. So part of the thing to think about there too is what are we going to do? Like if our kids come home in a mood or are anxious than they are being the, the weekend or whatever we're going to do, is there something we can do to quickly change the mood or they're fighting or we're frustrated or whatever?
Like, again, it doesn't even have to do anything with anxiety, but you can really change the mood just by changing music.
[00:25:43] Leslie Kuny: It's huge. It's, it's, yeah, it's so impactful. Remember that the next time you have a presentation or anything where you're using music, like it's really, it can be really, really beneficial. Yeah.
[00:25:56] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing these things with us. I have one question that I ask everybody, and it is, of the three Ps, what do you tend to default to the most? Is it the people pleasing, perfectionism, or the procrastination?
[00:26:13] Leslie Kuny: So I got so excited about this question, like more than any person should, because I was like, oh, I highly resonate with all three of them. But then as I start to dig down a little bit more, I think the basis of it is the people pleasing, because I don't know that I'd be a perfectionist or a procrastinator without being a people pleaser first.
If things have to be perfect, because I want people to like me. And I was like, oh, that's clearly people pleasing. Which is something that I'm like walking through right now and trying to figure out. And not so much my actions, but it's the being okay. With how other people perceive me is the roughest bit of that, of this journey.
But I would say all, all three P's like really just arrows to my heart. Like, like ding, ding, ding, check them all. But acknowledging that and knowing that makes walking through it easier.
[00:27:10] Dawn Calvinisti: Right.
[00:27:11] Leslie Kuny: easier. Yeah.
[00:27:12] Dawn Calvinisti: And the other thing too, like for anyone who's listening, like if you're my audience and you're one of those three P's or all of them the, the thing is you don't necessarily have to be clinical, be, be diagnosed as clinical anxiety. We talk about ADHD or we talk about depression or any of those things.
You don't necessarily have to be diagnosed as having that clinically. To benefit from knowing I tend to be more of a people pleaser, I tend to be a perfectionist, or I tend to be a procrastinator, but I'm highly driven and being a highly driven woman tends to produce some anxiety, even if it's just minor anxiety, it does tend to produce it because we want to function well, whether it's because we totally just want to be the best or because we're worried what others will think, right?
It just, it tends to create anxiety. And, and all of these techniques, all of these ideas of how we can deal with this can be used, whether it's a diagnosis or not, because the reality is when we get anxious, it still kicks off those hormones of fight and flight or freeze or, that whole stressful.
Feeling, or if you just can't sleep at night, or your brain's racing because you're thinking of all the things you have to do tomorrow, it can still be really helpful to know some of these techniques, because we tend to have a little bit of that bent and lean towards being a little more of a worrier than maybe others who are more laid back and don't really care if anything gets done.
[00:28:35] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. I don't, I don't know. I know some of those people and I just look at them and I go, I, I don't, I don't, I don't know how you do it. I don't necessarily want to be you a hundred percent of the time, but I'll take like five percent. I'll start with like five.
[00:28:49] Dawn Calvinisti: And it's great to surround yourself with people that are different than you, right? So that's One of the things that's so helpful.
[00:28:55] Leslie Kuny: Yes.
[00:28:56] Dawn Calvinisti: Thank you so much, Leslie, for being here. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with us and telling us about your journey and things that work for you.
It is, it is always, I think, such a privilege to be able to hear from other people and You really speak life into us that are looking for ideas and solutions and just even being seen that we're not the only one that is dealing with something like this. So thank you so much for sharing.
[00:29:21] Leslie Kuny: Oh, thank you. It was, it was my pleasure. I really appreciate it.
[DAWN CALVINISTI]
Thanks for listening to today's show. If you found value in what you heard, please share it with a friend and rate and review us on whatever platform you listen on. It really helps get us out to other women who could benefit from listening.
Check out our show notes for details from the show and to connect with me or our guests. Want to continue the conversation? My website is www.pursueprogress.com or DM me @pursueprogresswithdawn on Instagram.
Until next week, pursue progress no matter how imperfectly.
CONNECT WITH DAWN:
Private Podcast Anxiety Deep Dive: https://www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
Website: https://pursueprogress.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pursueprogresswithdawn
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/pursueprogresswithdawn
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/imperfectioninprogress
Imperfection in Progress Podcast: https://pursueprogress.com/podcast
Grab your 200 Affirmations for the 3 P’s here: https://www.pursueprogress.com/affirmationspodcast
CONNECT WITH LESLIE:
Website: https://www.lesliekuny.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lesliekuny
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lesliekuny
OTHER RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST:
Private Podcast Anxiety Deep Dive: https://www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
Umbrella Virtual Solutions: https://www.umbrellavs.com
Book Your Free 30 Minute Strategy Call with the host, Dawn Calvinisti: https://link.theviphub.ca/widget/bookings/dawncalvinisti/strategy
On catching the thoughts that lead to anxiety.“I'm really working towards proactively getting in front of that but that takes a lot of practice. That I think is the trickiest bit.” - Leslie Kuny
[DAWN CALVINISTI]
Welcome to Imperfection in Progress, a podcast for ambitious women who are people-pleasers, perfectionists, or procrastinators. Want to feel less stress and more joy in your life? Then this is for you. I’m your host Dawn Calvinisti.
On today’s episode we are joined by Leslie Kuny.
Leslie is an award-winning choreographer and dance educator whose mission is to bring joy and passion to competitive dancers and their community. She is a graduate of Grant MacEwan University’s Dance Program and Simon Fraser University’s Bachelor of Fine Arts, a member of the Professional Adjudicators Alliance, a Level 2 certified Adjudicator by Canadian Dance Leadership, and co-founder and director of Ignite Dance Center. Over the past 20 years, Leslie has devoted herself to training dancers in a supportive empowering environment and choreographing for competitive and recreational dance studios, schools, and pre-professional training programs. She knows that dance is a training ground for humans, that humour and joy are key to achieving greatness and success, and that empowering and equipping people with knowledge yields the best results.
Leslie shares her journey of anxiety and what it has been like as she’s learned to manage it through body work and other self-care strategies. I love how she recognizes the need to remove the stigma around mental health and her willingness to be so open in her own understanding and growth as she heals.
Here’s our conversation.
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Dawn Calvinisti: I'm so happy to have Leslie Kuny with us today. It's always a real pleasure for me to be able to interview somebody who's sharing their story and is willing to open up about things that lots of us deal with, but many times we don't know who to talk to about it, or maybe we don't have somebody who's been very open to tell us what they're experiencing.
So thank you so much Leslie for being here today.
[00:00:23] Leslie Kuny: Thank you for having me, Dawn. I'm really excited to be here.
[00:00:26] Dawn Calvinisti: So this month we are focusing on the whole idea of anxiety. I've shared a bit of my journey. We're having an expert on and we have people who have been through it, are in it, all of that. And Leslie, you're one of the people who has dealt with things, deals with anxiety. I would love to hear a little bit about maybe when you first recognized it, or maybe it's looking back when you first recognize it now, but can you tell us a little bit?
[00:00:55] Leslie Kuny: Yeah, absolutely. I think you hit the nail on the head to be perfectly honest because I think it's something that I've dealt with since childhood, but sometimes only through looking back is where we really go. Hold on a minute, right? Because as we get older and we learn more everything really came to a head for me in 2018 and the winter of 2018 when I had a pretty severe panic and anxiety attack that really, really scared me.
And, and, and ended me up in the ER, but when I look back, I'm like, Oh, this is from childhood. There's lots of things that I go back to and I go, Oh, there's little, you have these little glimmers. I one thing that really, really stands out to me, I'll never forget. I was probably about eight years old and I was at the doctor just talking about all my wonderful, wonderful doctor.
And I was just, with all the, all these ideas and all these kinds of worries. And doctor was like, You have to worry less. And I was like, who says that to an eight year old now as an adult, I go, Holy smokes, like red flags, guys, like big, big, big, it was 1992. It was a different time. But so recognizing them, like, Oh, this is something that's walked with me through my whole life.
Gives me a little bit of grace to go. It's not going to get solved in a day. It's not going to get solved in a month. Let's find the tools. To help navigate this piece of me, essentially.
[00:02:16] Dawn Calvinisti: Right. I, I think that's, that's very common that we, once we realize what it is, then looking back, we realize, oh, that was the time when that showed up, that was the time, that was the
[00:02:25] Leslie Kuny: Yeah.
[00:02:26] Dawn Calvinisti: Now that you're looking back and can see them, is were there things where you just felt like, like, I'm different than other kids around me, or like, other kids don't seem to deal with this, why am I?
Did that ever show up?
[00:02:38] Leslie Kuny: It did. Funny enough, I always assumed it was because I was sort of Um, an artistic, art tistic, I really want to make sure I like enunciate there because I do not have a diagnosis. But very artsy, I liked, I was very involved in like performance and dance. I was always a little bit outside the box. And I also seemed to care way more than other kids and things had to be just and like, if things went out of whack, like, which I'm like, well, okay. Again. Things we look back on and we go, that's not part of my personality, that's like something else showing up in me, but I, I, I have always felt, I'm like, I'm always just a little bit outside. I always felt a little bit different than everybody else.
And I just thought I was like, I just care a lot, which I do. I really do. That is a genuine part of my personality, but maybe there's some times that I'm like, this is too extreme. A little bit.
[00:03:34] Dawn Calvinisti: I love that you say that. I know one of the things that was always kind of like, I just couldn't wrap my head around it, dealing with anxiety. This was before I knew I had anxiety, was my husband would say, just don't care so much. And I'd be like, yeah, tell me how to do that.
[00:03:48] Leslie Kuny: Yeah, no such thing. I'm like, bless your heart. I'm like, I do not know how to not care. And, and I, I think, I don't know if any other, people who I know you're going to talk about the three P's, which I, like, absolutely adore but this will, like, resonate. Is this just like, We can swing a little bit too far and we're like, okay, okay.
Like I'm, I'm too caught up in all of this. Okay. I'm just not going to care about anything. And then we swing all the way and it builds a lot of like guilt and resentment and like yucky feelings. So it's really important to find, I think for myself, like a balance. I'm like, okay, like don't go so far. One side don't go so far to the other side, finding that like sweet spot in the middle where you can use the super powers from both both sides is like, is where I want to exist essentially.
[00:04:33] Dawn Calvinisti: So when you said that, like, you ended up in the hospital and you had a panic attack, was that the first that you got that, like, I have anxiety?
[00:04:41] Leslie Kuny: Yes, yes, I was shocked because I thought, oh, oh, oh, this is going to get so gross and I'm really going to try to keep it together. I thought it was fine. And, and so this was a really big. Knock over the head of like, Hey, yo, slow down, figure out what's happening. And it really scared me. And then also too, through my perception of who I was into question, like if I can't handle this amount of pressure, if I can't handle this amount of busyness that I had been experiencing on top of, life and whatnot, because I took a lot of pride in that being able to.
To do all the things under pressure. And so that really, like anything, I think there's lots of different examples of this where people have larger health issues than just like, a panic attack or anxiety attack that you mistake for for a heart attack. And that often happens with women because we have different symptoms of heart attack.
And so you kind of like start spiraling. Yeah, so it just really made me slow down. And go, okay, so it's obviously too much, even though I didn't think so, my body was like, yeah, we can't handle it anymore. Like, you've been trying it for, 30 some years, we've maxed out. You've got to find some actual methods to help the body, like, which I am grateful for.
It was not a fun experience at all, but I'm grateful for it because it did make me go, okay, I really have to pay attention to this.
ADVERTISEMENT
If you’ve been enjoying Imperfection in Progress Podcast we want to offer you a way to learn even more and at the same time help support us in bringing you great content.
This month we are offering a deeper dive on anxiety with two private podcasts just for you. In one podcast you will hear me coaching a woman with anxiety to help her get unstuck in the area of people-pleasing and giving her tools and tips to move her forward. And on the other you will hear from our expert psychotherapist who is also a mom with a son who has anxiety. She will be sharing her journey helping to support her son. You can get access to both of these private podcast episodes for only $7 at www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
It is so important to me that you have resources at your fingertips to help you move forward and I hope you take advantage of this great 2 for 1 deep dive. Again the link to these private episodes is www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
[00:06:14] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, it's interesting. I think as women too, we're so well, and we're encouraged to power through and do things. And like, if, if you're strong, if you're going to be successful, then you do, do, do, do, do. And you don't bother looking deeper. Right. We just keep going.
[00:06:31] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. And, and it is, I mean, it made me feel, it still makes me feel great to be like the person in charge, to be the person with all the answers. Like, again, that is part of my personality, but I really have to be careful that it doesn't get so crazy that I'm like, It's all, it'll happen again, because like, I've had a few moments, another one had happened just this previous, or I guess now we're in 2024.
Lies. Last year in June, I ended up going to the hospital again. Again, because of a, and I, and I tried to talk myself down off of it being like, I know what this is now, and I'm feeling this in my body, and I would feel better if I went to the hospital. Recognizing that it's still something I walk with, but I have a lot.
Better management tools, and it doesn't happen as frequently and it's not as intense. Yeah.
[00:07:30] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah. I like, I mean, this is part of the reason why I love that you're here is that it's not like no big deal. And you have got through it, and it's all overcome. I think for many people to recognize that there can be relief, and it can be minimized, and you can still continue with life. That anxiety does not have to put you into a box or a cupboard, and you no longer can function.
Those are some of the things that I, I hope we bring out today, and I hope we show people that, that this does not mean that life is over, because you experience anxiety.
[00:08:02] Leslie Kuny: 100 percent I think it is and I I look forward to the day where it's I can say maybe I don't have it but I there's also a part of me where I'm like, it's okay if that day never comes because I've got these strategies and It's take I've dealt with it for a very long time. So the healing process also takes a lot of time there's it's not going to be a much to my chagrin, it's not going to be a quick fix, but, but that's okay because I get to learn more and that's like exciting and then because I work with kids, I get to learn what I've, I get to use what I've experienced and learned to help them navigate their feelings and help them walk a little bit just through my, my shared experience.
[00:08:45] Dawn Calvinisti: I love that you're passing that on. So a question for you in all of this is, so while this is going on, what is your life? Like, what do you do? And, and, what, what are you managing? Because I'm assuming that you aren't just, balled up in your closet, deciding you're not coming out every day.
What are you navigating while you're here? going through this.
[00:09:06] Leslie Kuny: Everyday life, I think. Yeah, I was just living my regular life. I, and I kept living my regular life because there was shame and stigma attached to it. Actually the, the first, the first event where I did go to the hospital, I was right in the middle of craft market season. I went, I think I went to the hospital at like 11 PM that night.
I'd been at a craft fair all day. Stress just totally destroyed. I went to the hospital, got home at like 1am, woke up the next morning and went to the craft market. Like, I was like, let's go. We gotta go. We got the things to do. That's dangerous. Don't do that. Don't do that. I would, I would recommend against that.
But I did I felt like this is something I have to deal with in addition to, I can't let people down. I don't want people to necessarily see this part of me because who I am, that doesn't resonate with who I am to the outside world. So um, uh, I recognized I had to do some, some work. So I started there. I don't, I don't even know if I started therapy first, to be honest.
I think what I did was I was like, I need to relax. So I started booking massages. And I went for a massage almost every 10 days starting in the new year, like starting in 2019 after Christmas, when I got back to my regular life. And that was wildly life changing. The amount of emotions pent up. Feelings and all the things in my body needed to be expressed. I got out of my body. I was shocked at the amount of times I cried on the table. And then I got to a point where I was so exhausted, I would fall asleep. On the table, I was like, I just went through this gamut of experiences, having these massages, and I was really grateful to have an incredible RMT to help me through that because I was like, oh, this is this is how it needs to be processed.
So I started that I started. Therapy some other body work where I could, fascial stretch therapy, and because I really recognized, and also to just due to my job as a dance teacher, like my body is like, it's been going for a long time without a lot of care. So I think there was a, a dual there. So yeah, I just sort of built that into.
Into my life and didn't really, people didn't really know. I felt very, I didn't want people to know. My husband knew my, my, my mom and my sister knew some very close friends. And even then I threw it away as like a joke. Like, ha ha ha. Because I didn't want that piece of information to affect how they saw me.
[00:11:54] Dawn Calvinisti: I mean, I think as much as there's been more work around mental health and more exposure and more talking and all of that, I think the stigma even now is still there. And it's still something that we struggle with. How do I say this? What will people think?
[00:12:10] Leslie Kuny: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much which is funny because. I know I, this is where when I, when I bump up against that, I go, what if my friend came to me telling me the things that I would like to tell a friend? I'm like, I would be so kind and understanding, but if it's me telling other people, I cannot see that other side of the coin.
But I think that's important for us to flip that and be like, no, hold on a minute. We can share that because if that information came to me. I would be helpful about it. Yeah.
[00:12:38] Dawn Calvinisti: So can I ask you, because we're all different, but I thought maybe just ask you personally, what are some of the signs and symptoms for you when you're in anxiety or in panic?
[00:12:50] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. Don't dwell on these. It's a little bit tricky because I do, I find for myself it is a real head game. People often say like, where do you feel anxious in your body? I'm like, my brain, like my brain just starts running a race that I did not sign up for. And it is like, I don't know what greens that it's on.
Like, it is like off to the races. Which is a great, yeah. job for it to have, but not when it comes to like thinking like about catastrophes and like future. So yeah, I, I do find that my brain really starts to get very swirly. It really starts to like get into hyper drive. And then once that, I feel like that's maybe the first piece of the puzzle. then my body goes. Oh, my body kind of kicks in second. I think I do for myself find a tightness in my chest, which is always like a terrifying feeling. Those are my two biggest ones. In terms of like, how I feel like emotionally, I noticed I get like grumpy. I, I want to say no, but I don't, I feel really resentful to people.
I think maybe that's where it starts, honestly, emotionally. And then my brain starts like telling all the stories and then my body keys in there. And they're like, we don't like this. Yeah, so that's really what I've noticed. And now that I've sort of like managed it, I really noticed, actually, honestly, just a few weeks ago, my brain really got the better of me before I went to sleep.
And I was like, Oh, I really hadn't experienced this in a hot minute. And I was like, Oh, okay. Like key into that, like be aware. That's that, like, ruminating thinking really on high speed is,
[00:14:25] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, I love that you mentioned that because I think for a lot of us, I mean, whether you deal with anxiety or not, a lot of times we are so unaware of our thoughts and then emotions come and we react to whatever and then after we're feeling like either bad or guilty or shameful or, just angry that it happened and we didn't actually catch their initial initial thought that it.
led to that whole process.
[00:14:49] Leslie Kuny: yeah, yeah, that's a process in itself. I, that's probably, I think, where I'm at, where I go. If I can catch it, it's, it's good, but sometimes I go back, and I'll say to that person, like, I didn't want to. React like that like that interaction. I'm really working towards Proactively getting getting in front of that because it's just but that takes a lot of practice like that I think is the trickiest the trickiest bit.
[00:15:13] Dawn Calvinisti: For sure, for sure. Because again, it's just, we're on automatic. We really aren't taught to, hey, pay attention to what's going on in there.
[00:15:20] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. Yeah
[00:15:22] Dawn Calvinisti: So another question for you is what kind of things have you found are useful tools for you? Like, have you tried therapy? Are there like actual techniques or tools or tricks that you use in order to To calm yourself and calm your mind, what is it that's working to help you?
[00:15:38] Leslie Kuny: Yeah what I spoke a little bit massage. I feel like body work is often Like maybe not thought about traditionally in in Maybe I shouldn't say that. I may be misspeaking but I found for myself methods of body work, whether it was massage or fascial stretch therapy that was incredibly helpful at I have done therapy.
Sometimes it feels like homework. And. And often I would like schedule a therapy session. I'm like, I don't have anything to talk about today because today was a good day. So I found a bit of a mixed bag with therapy. I'm also the kind of kid who's like, tell me what to do and I'm going to do it so I can fix it.
And that's not what therapy is about. So that was like a struggle for myself and my personality. Now that I'm a little bit further away from it I've actually started, like me from three years ago. Hey, it's what me today is about to say, but I have started consistently working out. I work out twice a week and that has really, really shifted.
And I know when I was first in like the really like, um, when it was deeper and it was tougher, my therapist did recommend, it's an app and it's called the seven minute workout. And she's like, when you start feeling anxious, she's like, that is a buildup of adrenaline and cortisol in your body. You've got to get it out.
Do this seven minutes. And she's like, I know when it feels like your chest is going to explode and you're like, Oh my gosh, I think my heart is racing. She's like, the last thing I know you want to do is work out. She's like, Try it and see if it works. And I was like, oh, yeah, that does help and not recognizing that if I'm not active enough on a daily basis Then it's a little bit easier to fall into that.
And if you do it consecutive days in a row, where you're not moving and you're not burning off those adrenaline, then it can, it builds. And then all of a sudden, on Thursday night, you're like, I can't sleep. You're like, yeah. Working out has really helped me. Um, really, really helped. I'm like in a much, much better place.
And I'll shout out my trainer, Tara, which is also like helping me realize things I could never do. So it's, it's really two in one. It's, it's moving me out of my patterns. And then I come home and I'm like, I lifted like 105 pounds today. Like I squatted 105 pounds. And my family's like, okay, calm down.
I'm like, but do you know, I didn't know I could do that. And so it's. It's not only like breaking out of old patterns, but creating new patterns for myself of like, holy smokes, I can't believe I was able to do that. I never would have assumed. And so I think in general that helps like, that has been the, that is the next piece of like, not just the healing, but like rewiring my brain and rewiring, the thought process of, of, especially when I come up against challenges or things that are hard.
Not slipping back and being like, no, no, no. I can do hard things. Remember when I squatted that? Yeah, yeah. You got it. So that's been incredibly helpful.
ADVERTISEMENT
Hey, wonderful listeners! If you're an entrepreneur or a business owner like me, then you know the struggle of juggling a million tasks while trying to focus on what really matters. Well, guess what? I've got a game-changer for you, and it's called Umbrella Virtual Solutions!
You know those tasks that make you want to pull your hair out? The ones you'd rather avoid like the plague? Yep, Umbrella Virtual Solutions has got you covered. Need a killer website that'll make your competitors jealous? Boom, they’re the web wizards you need.
And let's talk about virtual events. Everyone loves attending them, but the behind-the-scenes madness? Not so much. Luckily, these experts are your event architects. They'll plan, set up, and run the whole shebang, so you can shine in the spotlight without the tech headache.
Now, here's the best part: If you're a fellow podcaster, like yours truly, you know that editing can be a real audio nightmare. But fear not, because Umbrella Virtual Solutions are audio editing maestros. They'll transform your raw recordings into podcasting gold while you sip your coffee and relax.
And hey, who wants to drown in emails and social media management? Not me! That's where Umbrella Virtual Solutions really shine. They love diving into the admin abyss, leaving you with a clean slate to focus on your passion projects.
But hold on, there's more. These folks aren't just about ticking off tasks. They're your partners in business creation. Got a brilliant business but no clue where to start? They will guide you through the process, turning your dreams into a reality.
Do you know what they’ve done for me? They’ve given me back my time and peace of mind? Head over to umbrellavs.com and book a free strategy call. Say goodbye to overwhelm and hello to a whole lot of extra hours in your day.
That's umbrellavs.com – where dreams become reality and tasks become history. Check 'em out and get ready to conquer the world, one stress-free day at a time!
[00:18:26] Dawn Calvinisti: That is such a good example. I love to, I think often when we're when we're locked in that process of like almost trying to resist the anxiety or fight the anxiety and often that will create a, a deeper spiral. We kind of like, we fear the fear idea. But when we start learning, like, Hey, like I can get through hard things.
Like you're saying, look at the other things I've done in my life. And. Re speaking to our brain about what is possible and who we actually could be, like things that we never thought we could be. That is a big part of stopping the process of backing off. I know you and I talked about this, not on the podcast, but we talked about the fact that you can end up putting yourself in a box and making the box smaller and smaller and smaller if that's the way you choose to approach anxiety and being afraid to go anywhere or do anything that might Trigger anxiety, and that really gives you a very limited life.
And so we don't want that for any of you who are listening.
[00:19:28] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. And, and it can be hard because like we've already spoken to the, the shame and a little bit of grief and embarrassment, and you do just want to, and there's also like the whole idea of like, oh, staying cozy in my, in my home and where I feel comfortable and, And. I totally get that. I'm, I think I'm grateful that I tend to be more of an extrovert and I really enjoy people. So if I had an opportunity to, like, go be with people, that, that really helped, and I, but I recognize that that's not the case for everybody, but maybe just, yeah, if you feel like you're isolating yourself, just text a friend, send somebody a meme, find some sort of, like, outlet to connect, because I do think other people are a real key.
[00:20:10] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, I agree. And it's funny. I'm definitely more introverted, but I know that in what you do on a daily basis and, in teaching dance and being around people doing things for others, and it's the same for me doing things for others and getting out of my own head. It's actually one of the best ways for me to calm anxiety, because I'm not thinking about me.
[00:20:34] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. Yeah. And it just shifts your brain to a task instead of a distraction of like maybe playing on your phone, which like at some points in the process, maybe that is the best thing where you're like, I'm going down a rabbit hole. Let me throw on a game or let me watch something. But yeah, if you can shift it to be a more service based and then again, you're still, still sort of a distraction tactic, but a little bit more beneficial.
[00:20:57] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah when, when it comes to where you are now in life, like, what are some of the things that you absolutely, are still doing on, maybe daily basis or relatively regularly, where If anxiety happens in the moment, like, are there things that you need to do to cope in that moment? Like, do you find that at work or do you find it, like, just, I'm just trying to think of different occasions because sometimes I think that's the thing that's hardest for people that are new dealing with it, is what do I do if it happens right now?
[00:21:27] Leslie Kuny: yeah. Mine often comes at the end of the day when I'm trying to fall asleep. Which you're like, great, all I have to do is tell myself to relax a million times, which I'm sure will work at like one o'clock in the morning. Thankfully, I think. It doesn't happen too acutely anymore jumping jacks, like, again, burning off energy, which sounds wild, like, and you can't necessarily get up in the middle, if you're in a meeting or something, you can't do that but there's also a muscle release technique which you can do like when you're sitting and I find it incredibly helpful Where you like tighten your muscles as hard as you can and hold your breath And then and you squeeze those muscles as hard as you can So like maybe you're doing your quads or like your hamstrings or biceps and you hold your breath and that tightness in your muscles as long as you can and then when you can't you Exhale through your mouth and release those muscles It is wildly effective.
I really love it. I use it when it before I fall asleep and it's something that can be done anywhere and it's not super visible So it's something that you know that you can cue into and it's not going to telecast to everybody like hey if you have an opportunity to Go somewhere where there's cold.
Water or ice on your face is also really good. It's There's a, again, I learned all this from my therapist. This is not me. This is like, secondhand knowledge. But there's something about, I can't quite recall, but it's a dive, it's a reflex in the human body when, when you dive into cold water that your system recognizes like sort of essentially like a threat.
And so it, it calms you down. So I had a protocol where I would put ice on my face, like, on sort of on the cheekbones and the forehead to replicate diving into cold water. To force your body to slow down and calm down and, and sort of regulate which again, like not maybe if you're like in the middle of a meeting or like teaching a fitness class, but if you're able to step away and even put cold water on your face in a restroom, that is super helpful.
Um, music, music is huge for me. It gets me out of my. Way a lot if I'm feeling really down. I play a lot of like really Pump up girl tracks like doja cat like and like bad girl Energy because I feel like I need a little bit of that for myself music is really helpful and Something that I still use with, with quite a bit consistency is is the Headspace app.
I found that yeah, I've been on it for, like, years now, and I really like it. I listen to the sleepcast. If I wake up in the middle of the night, my thoughts are racing. I'll plug in my earphones and listen to it. And, They really helped me with meditation in general, which I had wanted to do for a really long time.
So yeah, my Headspace app is my like go to. I even use it in my classes like with my students and they all know. They're like, Oh, we're gonna listen to so and and I'm like, yeah, we are gonna listen to so and like I gotta, you gotta have a little bit of this in your life, and I also need it at the end of class.
Yeah, so those are kind of like, I would say those are the things that like muscle and the, and the ice. And yeah, headspace if you're in the car, walking, whenever. Yeah.
[00:24:33] Dawn Calvinisti: I love, I love having tools and, and techniques and tricks that we can try, right? And again, everybody's different, so you might try one of them and be like, ah, that doesn't work, but that doesn't mean a different one won't. So play with it.
[00:24:45] Leslie Kuny: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I found that with the, cause a lot of people are like, Oh, five things you can, the, the, the counting, like five things you can see, smell. And I was like, I am so heavy into this, like panic moment. That is not strong enough tea right now. It's like, I need a little extra, but, but I do know that that's really helpful for other people.
So yeah, like you say, there's. Different things that or like thinking about my breathing that just made me panic more. I was like, I can't so yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's a little bit of trial and error, which can be frustrating, but well worth it.
[00:25:16] Dawn Calvinisti: Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it is interesting. I love that you mentioned music too. So part of the thing to think about there too is what are we going to do? Like if our kids come home in a mood or are anxious than they are being the, the weekend or whatever we're going to do, is there something we can do to quickly change the mood or they're fighting or we're frustrated or whatever?
Like, again, it doesn't even have to do anything with anxiety, but you can really change the mood just by changing music.
[00:25:43] Leslie Kuny: It's huge. It's, it's, yeah, it's so impactful. Remember that the next time you have a presentation or anything where you're using music, like it's really, it can be really, really beneficial. Yeah.
[00:25:56] Dawn Calvinisti: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing these things with us. I have one question that I ask everybody, and it is, of the three Ps, what do you tend to default to the most? Is it the people pleasing, perfectionism, or the procrastination?
[00:26:13] Leslie Kuny: So I got so excited about this question, like more than any person should, because I was like, oh, I highly resonate with all three of them. But then as I start to dig down a little bit more, I think the basis of it is the people pleasing, because I don't know that I'd be a perfectionist or a procrastinator without being a people pleaser first.
If things have to be perfect, because I want people to like me. And I was like, oh, that's clearly people pleasing. Which is something that I'm like walking through right now and trying to figure out. And not so much my actions, but it's the being okay. With how other people perceive me is the roughest bit of that, of this journey.
But I would say all, all three P's like really just arrows to my heart. Like, like ding, ding, ding, check them all. But acknowledging that and knowing that makes walking through it easier.
[00:27:10] Dawn Calvinisti: Right.
[00:27:11] Leslie Kuny: easier. Yeah.
[00:27:12] Dawn Calvinisti: And the other thing too, like for anyone who's listening, like if you're my audience and you're one of those three P's or all of them the, the thing is you don't necessarily have to be clinical, be, be diagnosed as clinical anxiety. We talk about ADHD or we talk about depression or any of those things.
You don't necessarily have to be diagnosed as having that clinically. To benefit from knowing I tend to be more of a people pleaser, I tend to be a perfectionist, or I tend to be a procrastinator, but I'm highly driven and being a highly driven woman tends to produce some anxiety, even if it's just minor anxiety, it does tend to produce it because we want to function well, whether it's because we totally just want to be the best or because we're worried what others will think, right?
It just, it tends to create anxiety. And, and all of these techniques, all of these ideas of how we can deal with this can be used, whether it's a diagnosis or not, because the reality is when we get anxious, it still kicks off those hormones of fight and flight or freeze or, that whole stressful.
Feeling, or if you just can't sleep at night, or your brain's racing because you're thinking of all the things you have to do tomorrow, it can still be really helpful to know some of these techniques, because we tend to have a little bit of that bent and lean towards being a little more of a worrier than maybe others who are more laid back and don't really care if anything gets done.
[00:28:35] Leslie Kuny: Yeah. I don't, I don't know. I know some of those people and I just look at them and I go, I, I don't, I don't, I don't know how you do it. I don't necessarily want to be you a hundred percent of the time, but I'll take like five percent. I'll start with like five.
[00:28:49] Dawn Calvinisti: And it's great to surround yourself with people that are different than you, right? So that's One of the things that's so helpful.
[00:28:55] Leslie Kuny: Yes.
[00:28:56] Dawn Calvinisti: Thank you so much, Leslie, for being here. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this with us and telling us about your journey and things that work for you.
It is, it is always, I think, such a privilege to be able to hear from other people and You really speak life into us that are looking for ideas and solutions and just even being seen that we're not the only one that is dealing with something like this. So thank you so much for sharing.
[00:29:21] Leslie Kuny: Oh, thank you. It was, it was my pleasure. I really appreciate it.
[DAWN CALVINISTI]
Thanks for listening to today's show. If you found value in what you heard, please share it with a friend and rate and review us on whatever platform you listen on. It really helps get us out to other women who could benefit from listening.
Check out our show notes for details from the show and to connect with me or our guests. Want to continue the conversation? My website is www.pursueprogress.com or DM me @pursueprogresswithdawn on Instagram.
Until next week, pursue progress no matter how imperfectly.
CONNECT WITH DAWN:
Private Podcast Anxiety Deep Dive: https://www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
Website: https://pursueprogress.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pursueprogresswithdawn
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/pursueprogresswithdawn
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/imperfectioninprogress
Imperfection in Progress Podcast: https://pursueprogress.com/podcast
Grab your 200 Affirmations for the 3 P’s here: https://www.pursueprogress.com/affirmationspodcast
CONNECT WITH LESLIE:
Website: https://www.lesliekuny.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lesliekuny
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lesliekuny
OTHER RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST:
Private Podcast Anxiety Deep Dive: https://www.pursueprogress.com/deepdive
Umbrella Virtual Solutions: https://www.umbrellavs.com
Book Your Free 30 Minute Strategy Call with the host, Dawn Calvinisti: https://link.theviphub.ca/widget/bookings/dawncalvinisti/strategy
You'll feel relief as you realize what things you can do less of and what area you should focus on right now.