“Now I prefer to use the term intentional imbalance. So I am intentionally making choices about where my time is going and it's not gonna be balanced, but it's going to be intentional.” - Rebekah Lara

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Intentional Imbalance with Rebekah Lara

Welcome to Imperfection In Progress, a podcast for ambitious women who are people pleasers, perfectionists, or procrastinators. Want to feel less stressed and more joy in your life? Then this is for you. I'm your host, Dawn Calvinisti.

Jeanine Hauck, my co-host for the month, joins me as we chat with Rebekah Lara, certified life coach and creator of the Time to Thrive program.

Rebekah has three girls, all who have special needs and chronic medical conditions, and yet she runs a thriving coaching business. If you have been putting off doing something you love because of circumstances then this episode is for you.

Episode Transcript

[DAWN CALVINISTI]

Welcome to Imperfection in Progress, a podcast for ambitious women who are people-pleasers, perfectionists, or procrastinators. Want to feel less stress and more joy in your life? Then this is for you. I’m your host Dawn Calvinisti.

[DAWN CALVINISTI]

I’m joined again today by co-host and friend, Jeanine Hauck. Jeanine is a mom to 3 kids 6 and under and is also a coach and entrepreneur. I’m so grateful that she is here to ask insightful questions during our conversation with Rebekah Lara. 

Rebekah is a certified life coach and creator of the Time to Thrive program, where she helps mom entrepreneurs build their businesses while working less, so they can be a caregiver without giving up their own dreams. With two businesses and 3 young daughters with multiple health challenges, Rebekah has streamlined her own business systems, manages it all WITHOUT the overwhelm, and is passionate about helping other mom entrepreneurs calm the chaos too.

 You can find her Facebook group The Thriving Mamas to learn more.

When Rebekah shares about how going after what you love can be a form of self-care I felt like a lightbulb went on for me. We even had a chance to talk about mom guilt and how we’ve experienced it. So many wise words to take in today. Here’s our conversation.

[00:00:00] Dawn Calvinisti: I am very excited to welcome Rebekah Lara today. It is so nice to have you join us for the month of August with my co-host, Jeanine, as we talk more about the whole mompreneur area of running a business and managing a family. So thanks for joining us.

[00:00:16] Rebekah Lara: Thanks for having me.

[00:00:17] Dawn Calvinisti: Can you tell us a little bit more about what it is that you specifically like to focus on and who you serve?

[00:00:25] Rebekah Lara: I mainly help mom entrepreneurs who more specifically are caregivers to either their own children with medical needs or maybe elderly parents or special needs parents. Anyone who pretty much is juggling family life and trying to start or maintain a business and deal with all of those extenuating circumstances.

So I focus a lot on how to be intentional with your time and also not burn out in the process.

[00:00:57] Dawn Calvinisti: I love that this is what you focus on specifically, because I think often as an entrepreneur, whether you're a mom or not, there's a lot of things calling for your attention. But when there are extenuating circumstances, things that take even more time and and intentional time that you need to set aside, it can feel overwhelming and stressful. And often we can even wonder like, is this even possible? Is there any point in me continuing? Can I actually really do this? So that's what I'd love for you to kind of break down for us today is how do we do it? Because I know you believe we can.

[00:01:32] Rebekah Lara: Yeah, it, it does take some time to wrap your mind around like the belief that it is possible. I know I was stuck in that as well. I'm a mom of three girls, all who have special needs and chronic medical conditions, and my oldest is the survivor of acute liver failure. So I was a primary caregiver to her for three and a half years as she was recovering.

And so I definitely know from firsthand experience that like, it didn't feel possible in the beginning. I would tell myself daily that I don't have time for anything, and at some point I just hit a wall where saying that to myself over and over again I realized it wasn't serving me. It wasn't helping me.

I was never gonna get where I wanted to go if I kept telling myself that. So, so yeah, that was the light bulb moment for me, and then it just took a lot of intention and practice after that.

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[00:02:28] Jeanine Hauck: I am so curious because you were saying like, I don't have time for that. Like you were going through a lot in your life at that point, and I'm sure not a lot has changed, but what do you say to yourself now then?

[00:02:41] Rebekah Lara: So it's shifted over time, but I definitely, the main thought I think I have is, I have plenty of time for what's most important and getting clear on the, what's most important piece is what has changed everything for me. I used to live in a life of in reaction mode all the time to whatever was happening around me. Once I got clear on what was most important both in family and business it, it just shifted. And so now I, I do have the belief that I can make time for the most important things, but I don't have to make time for everything. So that was the difference for me.

[00:03:18] Dawn Calvinisti: So I have a question for you around this when it comes to finding that balance, finding how we're going to make that time happen. The one thing that I think of, and this as well is it's not just time for the family, it's not just time for the business. It's actually time to also refill ourselves and be able to make sure we are okay because a lot is being asked of us.

Where does that fit in? How do you work that out?

[00:03:44] Rebekah Lara: Great question. I wasn't working that out in the beginning at all, and burnout was a real thing that I know a lot of moms and entrepreneurs in general can relate to. So for me, again, it came down to intentionality. I used to think when I did X, Y, Z in my day on my list, then I, like my reward was rest or fun or whatever else I wanted to do in the day.

And many of you are probably like laughing to yourself knowing that that never happens. Like the end of the day comes and like either we ran out of time or we're too exhausted to even think straight and we just like crash. And so I had to flip that upside down, like my schedule. And so I enjoy early mornings.

Not everyone does. I'm not saying you have to do it in the early morning, but for me, early mornings is my, like, it's my quiet time. It's when I do all my self-care things. And it, again, it didn't happen overnight. I didn't do all of this on day one and like it was just fabulous. But little by little, I like started implementing, you know, guided meditation, reading, journaling, exercise, all of those things that we all.

 Probably aim to do, but it took time and a lot of just habit stacking. I started with one thing and then when that was going well, I'd add in another. And so just again, being intentional with like a part of your day that you can find just for you. So whether it's during nap time or evenings or the mornings, lunchtime, you know, it'll vary for all of us, but I schedule it. Basically, the short answer is I schedule it into my day, otherwise it's not gonna happen.

[00:05:22] Jeanine Hauck: So I'm actually curious because we're talking all about balance today and I think, I mean, I think we have to crush that myth. First of all, that balance is like everything gets equal pieces of the pie because I just don't think that's the case anymore. But what I'm curious about, we often talk about all the things you need to do for balance and things like that, but how do you know when you're out of balance?

[00:05:46] Rebekah Lara: Good question. So I also used to strive for balance in quotes, and I realized it's not possible like you said. Like balance to me. I'm a former math teacher and architect, so like I'm very like literal with that word. And so it meant like equal, equal, equal, and I couldn't achieve that, and so it just ended up backfiring.

So now I prefer to use the term intentional imbalance. So I am intentionally like making choices about where my time is going and it's not gonna be balanced, but it's going to be intentional. So for example and I'll come, I know you had another part to that question I'll come to in a minute, but for the summer, my kids are home.

I have three daughters. They're out of school. They're here with me now, and I made a choice that I won't be giving 50% to my business and 50% to my family. It's gonna be more towards my family. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, and that's my choice, right? And so I'm making those intentional choices and then what the benefit is, my mind is not weighed down with the drama of like, I'm doing it wrong, I'm not doing enough, and all of that.

It's like, Nope, I just made this decision ahead of time and I'm at peace with it. So that's really helped me knowing that other seasons of my life, like it'll might swing the other way. Like I might be giving more to my business when the kids are in school or, you know, whatever the circumstances are.

There'll be different seasons of your life, well, Where things will be out of balance on purpose. But I think the thing that helps the most is knowing it's on purpose and you're making intentional choices. Cuz it, it relieves the guilt and shame, at least in my case, like, I'm just like at peace with it now.

But still then, even though I've made that choice, like even this summer, I find myself in quotes out of balance, right? So I've also learned to just trust myself more. Like when I'm feeling weighed down, when I'm starting to dread things in my day, that's my like red flag, like something's wrong, you know?

And not that every day is gonna be perfect, like I'm not aiming for, for perfection, but I want to trust myself to know that, that I can make changes in what I intended to do to, to take care of myself too. There's a quote that someone shared with me that has just like changed my past, I don't know, six months.

And it's similar to the whole put your oxygen mask on first, you know, mantra, which I totally believe in too. But this takes it another level and it's tend to your own garden first so that you have more harvest to share with others. And for me, that like feels more abundant and I know that when I take care of myself I have more to share with my family, with my clients, and it just, it's coming from a healthier place. So, as a person who was in survival mode with her daughter, you know, with my daughter, like I'm, I'm ready to go into the next stage of like, being out of survival and like starting to thrive. So that's, that's how I know when I'm out of balance and what I do.

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[00:08:58] Jeanine Hauck: I love that visual that that like tend to your garden and then the harvest, because with the oxygen mask, you're only helping your one child, right? Like it's all your clients, your family, your neighbors, like everybody benefits around you when you're tending your own garden, so that's so beautiful.

[00:09:18] Rebekah Lara: Yeah, it really resonated with me and I know a lot of people can probably like lean into that as well.

[00:09:24] Dawn Calvinisti: So at the beginning when you were needing to have more time and attention on your girls and you're still trying to run a business, was there ever a point where you were thinking, I just need to wait. I have to wait till I have more energy. My girls need less of me. I have more time to give because that's what I hear a lot from women is I need to wait till my kids are older or I need to wait till all the stars and moon and sun and everything lines up, and then I'll do this thing.

But we have such limited time. And if we feel called to do what we want to do in our business, we need to make use of it now, or at least that's my theory. What do you say to that?

[00:09:59] Rebekah Lara: Yeah, I completely agree. And it was a thought I used to have all the time. I'll, you know, someday I'll do this. Someday I'll do that. And one of the biggest lessons I learned when my daughter was critically ill, she was on life support for four weeks. Like we almost lost her and I don't mean to like sound sad and depressing, but like what I learned through that was, you're not guaranteed tomorrow.

We don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, whether it's gonna be something like that or who knows. And I realized like all we are guaranteed is the present moment. And so that has also changed my life. So it doesn't always have to be big things that we're leaning into, but like what can we do today to make it, you know, more enjoyable, more filled with joy to take the next step on your goal.

So I actually started my business while my daughter was still recovering in the middle of the pandemic with three kids home remote learning, which sounds like crazy, right? But I didn't start, like, I didn't go zero to 60, you know? I just took one small step and it was because it lit me up, you know?

It was something creative. I had been away from work for a long time and I just knew if I just took small steps, I would eventually get there. And then when, you know, the pandemic is over and my daughter is better, I knew that the foundation I was building was gonna help me when, when I could take off and run with it.

So I always say start today, even if it's something small.

[00:11:32] Jeanine Hauck: I think like I'm the same as Dawn. That's what I hear all the time. Like, all of this stuff is happening, and then a person can be like, well take the step. And then it gets back to the, but all of this stuff is happening. Like, I mean, I can't, there's no space, there's nothing to move. So where did you start?

I'm so curious, your personal story, what was the first step? What did that look like for you? Because often in our mind we make it so much bigger than what it is actually.

[00:12:02] Rebekah Lara: Yes, so true. I took very simple steps in the beginning, and although now I am a coach for mom entrepreneurs, it didn't start off that way. I started my online experience blogging and like I said, it was kind of just a creative outlet for me. I didn't have like huge expectations of myself. I was just doing it because I enjoyed it and because I wanted to see where it would take me.

And now I have like systems in place and I use, you know, digital tools and I love it. But in the beginning I just had like a small bullet journal and I would put like one to three things down for the day of what I was gonna accomplish. And that felt really achievable. And you know, I couldn't use the excuse I don't have time because I made it so small that like I couldn't argue with myself anymore.

And every day that I did it, it just felt more exciting. And so I think the other key is to just build something you love. Like that's the reason I started a business because I wanted the flexibility of my time. And to be able to create something that would work around my family's needs and create something I loved.

And so that's what's kind of like got me, got me going.

[00:13:13] Dawn Calvinisti: I hope that people are listening are really taking in what you just said because I think a lot of the time when I hear from women who are thinking of starting something, it's something creative. Like I would say 80% of the time it's something creative, and yet they don't necessarily know where it's gonna go, or you know what the end result is.

They just have this desire and yet they don't step into it cuz they're like, well, it doesn't seem to really have a purpose. What would you say? Because I, I think totally differently, and I'm sure you on the other end of this journey now must feel differently too.

[00:13:46] Rebekah Lara: Yes. I think a lot of times our brains tell us like, we have to know the path, right? We have to know exactly every step and that we're gonna get to the final destination. And it's gonna all work out, right? Otherwise it's not worth doing. And what shifted that for me was just leaning into the journey. Like who did I wanna become in the process?

What skills did I wanna learn? Like what message should I wanna share? What support did I want to give? So it was more about the present moment each day, like what I was doing. And that helped me detach from the end. Like maybe it was gonna work and maybe it wasn't. And like I said, I started out as an eco-friendly blogger, which is not what I'm doing today.

So if I had let that stop me, like I wouldn't have learned what I learned to get where I am today. Like it's all a journey. And I don't regret like. There was a time where I was like, oh, I wasted all this time on my blog cuz now I am kind of pausing it, you know? And I realized that's not true. Like what I learned in that phase of my journey, helped me in the next phase, which helped me.

You know what I mean? So it all just builds. And so again, that the word trust is my word of the year. So I am learning to just trust in the process, trust in the journey, and just enjoy it, enjoy the journey and detach from the outcome. And I think if we all take those little steps and we don't give up, we're gonna get where we want to go.

It's hard to always have that belief and remind ourselves when things are, are tough or not going the way we want to, but I do believe in that, that we'll get there if we don't give up.

[00:15:26] Jeanine Hauck: I know you've been so intentional with creating your life and consistent with being so intentional with it. I wanna know, what do you love the most about the life you've created now?

[00:15:38] Rebekah Lara: I love that I get to make the choices. You know what I mean? As a former teacher and architect, like I worked for other people and I didn't always have that, that. I don't know what the word is. Power maybe is not the, it sounds maybe not the right word, but you know what I mean? Like, I just love that I get to create something that supports me and fills me up, but it also supports my family and allows me to be here for them and all of their medical needs, and also gets to support other women in achieving their dreams.

So that's just, I don't know, I can't ask for anything more, to be honest.

[00:16:19] Dawn Calvinisti: Going back to the beginning, I'm curious, what did it do for you to have this when you were dealing with so many other things in your life?

[00:16:29] Rebekah Lara: It was definitely that outlet I needed. When people talk about self-care the first thing that pops in many of our minds are like bubble baths and things like that, which I'm not downplaying. They're great, we need them. But I needed to feel like a, I don't know, like a woman, like a, like a person again. Like I wasn't just a caregiver and so it just provided me, my brain could like kind of turn off some of the other stressors in my life and focus on something more positive for a minute or an hour, and that is the self-care that I needed even though it was starting a business. Like it doesn't feel like self-care maybe to some people, but I think when you love what you do, then, then it is, and so I needed that. It was, it was what I needed.

[00:17:19] Jeanine Hauck: Well, I, I know a lot of reasons that like, yes, moms don't do it cuz they have such a busy schedule. But I think on the other hand it's just your kids are going to do without, like, they're lacking something. They're not getting enough love and attention. You're being selfish by doing this. Like all of these thoughts have come up. How have your kids reacted to you stepping into entrepreneurship?

[00:17:45] Rebekah Lara: You know, it was a transition, obviously, and it was a transition for a lot of reasons. Cause like I said, we were in the middle of the pandemic as well. So I think what has helped me with the, the guilt, the mom guilt is knowing that I am providing them with a solid example of what's possible for them.

That they don't have to just be a mom or just be a this or, you know what I mean? That, that it's all possible. And that they get to see an example of someone going after their dreams and not being held back and I also like encourage them to, you know, lean into what's important to them and show them that I'm like, I'm not just talking about it, I'm doing it.

And so they know that my business is important to me, but they also know that I run my business the way I do so that I can be there for them. And I think that helps them understand all of my goals and how it's for the family, not just for myself.

[00:18:48] Jeanine Hauck: Have you noticed changes in your kids or the way that they approach situations or things like that because they've watched you as an example?

[00:18:56] Rebekah Lara: Yes. I think that our mindset as a family has changed. Like that's one of the best things about being an entrepreneur in my opinion, is the growth in my mindset and how that trickles down to my kids. And I try to share what I've learned on my journey through my own coaches with them. And I do think that they're able to see, you know, I try to give examples of times when I'm failing or struggling in my business and how they can do the same when they're in sports or school or whatever it might be.

I definitely think they've learned healthy boundaries as well. Like they've learned that, like right now I'm talking to you both. And they know that like, this is time where I can't be interrupted. And I think that was a great thing for them to learn, that there are boundaries that we need to respect with other people.

[00:19:45] Dawn Calvinisti: I think this is one of the, Fun things if, if I could say that about being a mompreneur, is that you get to actually pass what you're learning on both the successful parts and the days that are hard. And watching them, my kids are older so, it, it's been interesting cuz I get get to see it, start to come through and listening to my older daughter tell my younger daughter, something that I have said to her in the past about how to manage her day or whatever is an awesome part that, you know, it may take years before we see that kind of fruit come through, but it is part of the whole, the whole garden aspect that you were talking about is, is seeing that next generation also thrive because of what we've chosen to do with our lives.

[00:20:28] Jeanine Hauck: I can't even imagine if we had those mindset skills at the age that they do because like, I know there was a day that I was just tough. It was a tough day for me. I can't even remember what happened. And my five-year-old came up to me, didn't say anything, just gave me a very long hug. She's like, mom, it looks like you needed this, or, or situations where she's feeling overwhelmed and she'll actually go in her room, close the door, and she's like, I just needed some me time.

Imagine if we had that ability so much younger.

[00:20:59] Rebekah Lara: Yes. I feel like they need to teach this in school because it's, it's game changing. It's life changing. Yeah. So I do feel that anyone who is an entrepreneur and has children their kids are gonna benefit. Definitely.

[00:21:14] Dawn Calvinisti: As a a mom. Now, where are you at when it comes to balancing life, you know, in that, that imperfect imbalance, what does it look like for you? Do you have a schedule? Do you commit certain times? Do you time block? What is it that you do that's working for you?

[00:21:31] Rebekah Lara: Yes, I definitely do all of the above. I do have a schedule and I try to block it, you know, into chunks throughout the week so that I can be focused on my work and get those things done and then be free. Usually it's like mornings are for work and afternoons I'm free to hang out with the kids and support them in whatever they need.

And I've also, this summer, hired a babysitter to come two days a week for four hours. And that has given me that that solid focus where I don't have to worry about any of it cuz someone else is caring for my kids and and even though that felt like a jump for me, I realized when I'm able to get more work done and less time and get the most important things out of the way for my business, then I can enjoy so much more quality time with them and not feel as stressed and like I'm trying to cram it in everywhere.

So it's definitely supported me as well. I tell my clients always to like set office hours, even if it's not the same every week. Look ahead and like schedule those chunks and then you can enjoy your free time a lot more happily, cuz you know you have it accounted for.

[00:22:44] Dawn Calvinisti: So that leads really beautifully into something else I wanted to ask you. Do you feel like when we are parenting, we're running a business, we're doing all the other stuff that we have to still fit into life? Is there a way for us to still get as much done without feeling like we need to be working and cramming every extra spare minute we have.

Staying up late after the kids go to bed. Getting up earlier. What do you think?

[00:23:10] Rebekah Lara: Yes. I think again, it comes down to intentionality, and so I goal set so I know what my goals are for the summer ahead of time and I reduce my expectations, you know, on my business during that time. I'm not gonna work as hard or work as much or do as much on purpose and that allows me, like, when I make the decision ahead of time, then I can release all of that mind drama about I should be doing more, I should be doing TikTok, I should be doing this.

I just remind myself, Nope, like, you made that decision ahead of time. We're not doing that now. And I kind of put it on my future list, right? Like it's a future project that I'm gonna do. I use 12 week year planning. It's a book. I love it. I've adapted it for my own use, but in general, I, I plan in 12 week chunks and that allows me to know what I'm focused on and to, to know that there's a time to do the other things in the next 12 weeks, and that's really helped me.

[00:24:09] Jeanine Hauck: So I'm curious. Now that you actually get the perspective of looking back at your journey, is there something that you wish you would've implemented sooner, invested in sooner, or something that you've noticed that helped you get that change that you wanted? Is there something that you would wish you would've done sooner if you could give advice to yourself?

[00:24:32] Rebekah Lara: I probably two things come to mind. One is to trust myself more. In the beginning I thought I needed all the courses and all the everything, you know. I was just like grabbing information everywhere and information is powerful, obviously, but I thought I needed that and that I couldn't trust my own intuition and decision making.

So I wish I had leaned into that more so that I wouldn't feel so like scattered, right? Cause I was trying all the things in the beginning. And two is just the mindset piece, you know, it, that was, that was what changed the most for my business was when I started learning more about that and how like, not to let fear and overwhelm take over because I feel like that's what kind of crushes a lot of businesses is the thoughts in our heads getting to us and holding us back. So those are two things I would have done more of.

[00:25:34] Dawn Calvinisti: One question I ask every guest that comes on the show is, which of the three Ps do you relate the most to? Would it be people pleasing, perfectionism, or procrastination?

[00:25:46] Rebekah Lara: Good question. I talk about this a lot with my clients. For me, it's definitely perfectionism. I always thought I had to get everything perfect before I put it out into the world. And again, that was something that was holding me back. So, Yeah, I have learned to improve in that area.

[00:26:03] Dawn Calvinisti: If people wanna connect with you, what is the best place to find you?

[00:26:08] Rebekah Lara: I can be found on Instagram at therebeccalara and also my Facebook group which is The Thriving Mamas Facebook group where we calm the chaos and simplify life and business.

[00:26:22] Dawn Calvinisti: I know that you've given everybody a freebie, and I love this. It's Time to Thrive, a mini workshop series. Can you tell us how it's going to help us?

[00:26:31] Rebekah Lara: Yes, it is a three-part workshop series to help busy mom entrepreneurs anyone who has challenging life circumstances like I said. It will help you create more time in your schedule, plan your week and prioritize your tasks. And then finally you stay accountable to yourself so that you stay on track with your goals and, and achieve those results year after.

[00:26:53] Dawn Calvinisti: Thank you so much for that. I so appreciate when there's something that's so tangible that can really help people move forward. So, You can find that in the show notes. You can also find all the contact info for Rebekah Lara there. And is there anything else you would like to say to our audience before we end for today?

[00:27:08] Rebekah Lara: Just thank you and for tuning in and to trust yourself and don't wait for tomorrow. Just start today, even if it's small, and know that there's a great community of women who are right alongside you.

[00:27:22] Dawn Calvinisti: Thank you again and thank you Jeanine, for showing up and co-hosting with me once again. It's been so great to have you for this month of of August. Is there anything that you would like to add today?

[00:27:33] Jeanine Hauck: Honestly, I just wanna thank you, Rebekah, for taking those steps when you did, even when it was so uncomfortable, so that we could all benefit from your story today. So thank you.

Thank you 

[00:27:46] Rebekah Lara: so much. It's been an honor. 

[DAWN CALVINISTI]

Thanks for listening to today's show. If you found value in what you heard, please share it with a friend and rate and review us on whatever platform you listen on. It really helps get us out to other women who could benefit from listening. 

Check out our show notes for details from the show and to connect with me or our guests. Want to continue the conversation? My website is www.pursueprogress.com or DM me @pursueprogresswithdawn on Instagram. 

Until next week, pursue progress no matter how imperfectly.

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CONNECT WITH REBEKAH:

Website: https://www.rebekahlara.com

Thriving Mamas: Calm the Chaos & Simplify Your Life & Business FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/simplebusinesssystems 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.rebekah.lara/

Free Gift: Time to Thrive mini-workshop series

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